{Originally posted to the PreOccupied Territory website}
The leader of the Israelites returned from atop Mount Sinai this morning to find the people in wild, cultic dance around the Two-State Solution, and brought the orgy to an end by smashing the divine Tablets of the Covenant, eyewitnesses report.
Moses came down from his forty-day communing with the Almighty, holding two stone tablets engraved by God with the Ten Statements He had made during the Revelation at Sinai last month, to be placed in a special Ark as a testament to the special relationship between the Lord and His people. On the final day of the session, God alerted Moses that the people had strayed from the divine path and begun to revere the Two-State Solution.
Upon hearing the news Moses descended from the mountain and beheld the uncontrolled passion with which the masses were dancing about the idol they had adopted, and which blinded them to the destructive path down which they had embarked. He smashed the Tablets, burned the Two-State Solution, ground up its ashes, cast them in water, and forced the people to drink the mixture as if they were wayward wives suspected of infidelity.
“He was fuming,” recalled his brother Aaron, who had proffered the Two-State Solution to the people when they were on the verge of panic amid fears that an apparent delay in their leader’s scheduled return meant he had disappeared, leaving them rudderless. “I was just trying to delay them and to keep things from getting out of hand before Moses would come back and restore clarity. But I messed up – I underestimated the desperate passion driving this phenomenon. When my friend Hur tried to resist they killed him. It was a disaster.” Aaron confessed he felt forced to go along with the Two-State Solution Zeitgeist even though he did not support the movement.
Israelites who had not participated in the orgiastic delusion were recruited to conduct a military action against the worshipers, and the Lord sent a plague to further decimate them, bringing the casualties from the Two-State-Solution affair to 3,000. Moses then beseeched the Almighty not to destroy the people for their sin, even though God offered to have Moses himself be the progenitor of the replacement nation. Instead, Moses told the people, the consequences of their distorted, frenzied thinking would be visited upon them for all eternity, a measure of which would be present in all the misfortunes the nation of Israel will suffer throughout all subsequent history.