{Reposted from the SATIRICAL website, PreOccupied Territory}
Gaza City, June 25 – Leaders on both sides of the Fatah-Hamas divide in the West Bank and Gaza Strip threatened Israel and the US again today that if the Jewish State follows through on its American-supported intention to apply its sovereignty to areas occupied by Jordan between 1948 and 1967, they will take the extreme measure of perpetrating the same deadly violence against Jews that has characterized their movement for a hundred years already.
Officials in both major factions of the Palestinian national movement – Fatah avowedly “secular,” Hamas Islamist – warned Thursday that annexation of any part of the territory beyond the 1949 armistice line by Israel will spark nothing new, since Palestinian Arabs have been trying to kill as many Jews as possible more or less non-stop since the nineteenth century.
“We must speak of the unavoidable consequences of annexation,” declared Fatah official Saeb Erekat, once the chief negotiator for the Palestine Liberation Organization, when the Fatah leadership still engaged in the pretense of a negotiated resolution to the age-old conflict. “Those consequences will be hard to discern unless we specify them, because they will consist of the same continued attempts to rid the territory between the River and the Sea of Jews, as we and our ancestors have been trying to do since 1948, with occasional strategic pauses.”
“The people of Palestine will not take annexation lying down,” concurred Hamas spokesman Fawzi Barhoum, speaking from the movement’s enclave in the Gaza Strip, from which it ousted Fatah in a short but bloody civil war in 2007. “We will escalate our resistance to the level it’s always been at, because, let’s face it, we do our best to attack Jews all the time. I guess ‘escalate’ doesn’t exactly capture the literal sense of what we foresee, more like ‘same old, same old,’ but that doesn’t sound as impressive in a threat. The deterrence value just doesn’t present itself.”
“The Jews can expect car rammings, stabbings, bombing attempts, shooting attacks, incendiary balloons and kites – in short, everything we’ve been doing for the duration as it is,” warned Fatah figure Jibril Rajoub. “We’ll even pursue international pressure on Israel, and I say that as if we haven’t already pursued every single avenue available to us to undermine Israeli legitimacy and self-defense. More than seventy years of terrorism, boycott attempts, UN condemnation, and diplomatic isolation initiatives have resulted in very little tangible success against Israel, and only relegated millions of Palestinians to ongoing limbo and misery, but this time will be different because reasons.”