Good morning and welcome to our new series, which should last forever or end by next week, depending on the stars, the cosmos and whether or not I get up early enough:
Here’s a really insightful one:
New pope to bind simplicity with ‘complexity’
Mind you, only the complexity part gets the quotes on either side, simplicity gets by unscathed. Just one question — what the heck does it mean? Is it the same as “New pope to bind thinness with ‘obesity'”?
This one’s from the Guardian:
Pope Francis, first day after election – live updates
How do you deliver on such a promise — live updates on the new pope? Pope had breakfast. Pope meditated. Pope answered the phone. Pope fed parrot. Billions of believers want to know.
Another journalistic jewel from the Guardian:
Dennis Rodman at Vatican as cardinals choose new pope – video
I mean, wasn’t that the first thing all of us were eager to know — did Dennis Rodman make it to Vatican City in time for the announcement? And if so, can it be proven with an authentic video?
The Times of Israel had a calming message:
New pope hopes for ‘renewed collaboration’ with Jews
Because, let’s face it, the old collaboration against Jews was no fun at all.
This one, from Reuters, is rather colorful:
New pope? Unbelievers shrug, carp, titter
When was the last time you had a good carp? And why didn’t those unbelievers cod, or, better yet, snapper?
This AFP headline could be read wrong on so many levels:
New pope pays homage to Virgin Mary on first outing
Either someone has outed the pope — which was to be expected — or, much worse, someone has outed the Virgin Mary.
And finally, this rather dubious speculation from The Daily Maverick:
New pope, new Chinese president: Who’d win in a fight?
My money is on the Chinese guy — younger and looks to be in better shape.
