Whereas decades ago many parents, themselves immigrants or the children of immigrants, were not fully or perhaps not at all acculturated into American society and the world of their children, in our day parents (with the probable exception of chassidic families) are. They are nearly as hip as their kids about contemporary styles and sports and they are nearly as knowledgeable about popular culture. They are therefore, in a sense, at once parents and also big brothers and big sisters and that is the role they play in school.
There is, to be sure, a cultural gap and differences between them and their offspring. Yet they speak the same language and they share a great deal.
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A second cultural aspect is the emphasis on parenting as a skill and responsibility, with a seemingly endless flow of material and events instructing parents on their obligations as parents. Those who are not engaged or actively involved in their children’s school life are somehow regarded as being deficient in parenting skills.
Whether this is a serious concern that merits the heavy breathing it has received from many professionals or just trendy pop psychology can be left to others to decide. For this discussion it is sufficient to recognize that the notion of parenting skills is a crucial phenomenon and is linked to the expanded role of parents in the school lives of their children.
This development is paradoxical. While children are in school they are generally under careful supervision, a circumstance that contributes to their health, safety and welfare. Yet parents are concerned, even agitated, about what goes on during school hours. This is in contrast to the after-school experience – whether in the street, home, or some other setting – where kids are certainly less supervised, more so than ever with the remarkable rise of social networking, with its hand-held devices that connect kids to a virtual world that is critical in their lives.
This is a world that obviously has its own set of risks. There once was – and apparently still is – a stentorian announcement that preceded the 10 p.m. news: “Do you know where your children are?” Nowadays, even if parents know where their children are physically, they may not know where in fact their children are.
Where children are emotionally and socially when they are not in school is a matter of growing concern for educators, especially in Jewish schools and other religious institutions. In a fascinating way, this development may be regarded as recompense for the heightened parental involvement in what goes on in school, as school officials either are given or seek greater information as to what is happening in the home and elsewhere outside of school.
There was a time when teachers essentially taught and were not too concerned or knowledgeable about what transpired in their students’ lives when they were not in school. Educators are now expected to know about the home situation and other external social or emotional factors that may affect school performance.
While children are in school, teachers are expected to look for signs of trouble, whether in the form of abuse at home or physical or verbal abuse from other students. Bullying is now an important item on the agenda of what must be looked out for. It can occur in the school or on the outside and without a finger being lifted or even a word said. Text messaging can do the dirty work, as we have learned from a number of tragic situations.
For all the attention being paid, it is a challenge to come up with a formula that is workable, meaning a formula that allows parents or school personnel to be cognizant of what is occurring in the thoughts or activities of young children for whom they have responsibility.
