On the other hand, another mother said, “My son wants to spend yomim tovim with his father, but his father doesn’t have any interest in him now that we’re not married.”
Heartbreaking. And more heartbreaking still is that all of this is often suffered in silence by the kids who have no choice in these matters but who simply must play the hand they’ve been dealt.
Integration
If we’re not the parent who is the source of alienation, there’s not much we can do to stop the most painful separations that turn these kids’ worlds upside down. We can, though, make sure these separations aren’t made worse by separation from the life of our community.
When the woman quoted above says “I feel like we have leprosy,” she’s commenting on a very common reaction: Her friends don’t know how to treat her; they may be afraid of saying the wrong thing and making matters worse. They may even be afraid that what happened to her could happen to them. It’s easier to just back away. But easier is not better.
For the children of divorced parents, it may no longer be possible to count on the support of one parent; for some of them, the support of both parents may be gone. Let them at least be able to count on the support of our community. When we are most inclined to back away, that is when our friendship may be needed the most. These kids will probably not ask to be included; they may not ask for our help.
From the midst of their shame over the breakup of their family, they may not even believe they are worthy of our support. But rest assured: They need it. They need our friendship…our acceptance…our unconditional love. If they can count on nothing else, let’s make sure they know they can count on us
