In some definite ways, smaller really is better, particularly as it relates to our relationship with Hashem.
In our nation’s history there have been three central houses of Hashem in our midst. The first is the mishkan, whose construction and furnishings occupy the bulk of the latter part of Shemos. The other two are the batei mikdash, the holy temples, in Yerushalayim.
Interestingly, each of these structures was progressively larger in size and more elaborate than its predecessor (though Bayis Sheni, the Second Temple, was first built as a more humble successor to King Shlomo’s majestic edifice, Herod’s expanded version far exceeded the earlier mikdash). A casual observer might see this trend as a positive, in the spirit of bigger is better.
However, I once heard an approach from Rabbi Akiva Tatz that suggests otherwise. He explained that the aforementioned trend in structural size was actually a reflection of spiritual disconnect, a sign that we were becoming increasingly more removed from our Maker.
The example he used to illustrate the point was that of a married couple. At first, when their affection is strong and their focus on each other is constant, they are more than willing to coexist in close quarters. Over time, however, the excitement begins to wane and the two seek more personal space in which to operate.
Similarly, when Klal Yisrael was first redeemed from Egypt, their love and appreciation of Hakadosh Baruch Hu was at an all-time high. They were extremely appreciative of all that He had done for them and, by uttering naaseh v’nishmah, had committed to direct their futures along a pathway of deep spiritual connection and divine service. Over time, however, our collective spiritual engagement and enthusiasm began to wane, necessitating greater “space” between the two partners. It reached the point where we were banished from the home entirely, the beginning of a protracted and painful exile.
As the above mashal indicates, it is not enough to fuel a relationship on initial feelings. Relationships need to be continually charged with freshness and positive engagement if they are to retain their vibrancy. Not surprisingly, research has reinforced this idea by shining the spotlight on how positive lifestyle choices – such as being in a healthy marriage – can impact a person’s sense of inner contentment.
A recent study published in the British Medical Journal (“Are Relationships Good for Your Health?”) concludes that stable, long term marriages lead to “more healthy lifestyles and better emotional and physical health” and have a marked effect on a person’s longevity.
The authors cite a Cambridge study that found married persons had age-adjusted mortality rates that were 10-15 percent lower than the population as a whole. They also found that “physical and mental health benefits seem to accrue over time,” noting that a 30-year longitudinal study published in the British Journal of Psychiatry found that “the duration of a relationship was associated with better mental health scores, while the difference in mortality rates in favor of marriage increases with age.”
Of course, a strong marriage is but one part of what helps us to feel happy and fulfilled. Researchers who sought to identify the core ingredients of a modern-day Utopia found that affluence is not a primary component of such happiness. Instead, educational and health services were found to be leading indicators of societal bliss, coupled with ample employment opportunities and sociable neighbors.
“[The happiest place] wouldn’t be one where the streets are paved with gold or one that has a magnificent view of the mountains or the sea. Little space would be used for luxury shops, country clubs, oversized houses or other places that distinguish the wealthy from other classes. Instead, it would be a place with good schools, free health clinics, day care centers and diverse places of worship dotting leafy urban neighborhoods…. Citizens would be…trustworthy but not nosy, questioning of authority but not judgmental of their neighbors.… Few people would have too much, and fewer would have too little.” (Dan Buettner, “The Happiest Places in the World,” Delta Sky, Jan. 2011)
