Many words are spoken and written on the importance of a quality yeshiva education for our children. Understandably so. Matching the right yeshiva for our sons and daughters unquestionably ranks as one of the most important decisions made by parents.
With, b’li ayin hara, 150,000 Jewish children in yeshivas and day schools throughout the country, these decisions continue as children graduate high schools and select, with varying degrees of parental input, a yeshiva or seminary in New York, Lakewood or Yerushalayim. The latter is often considered a rite of passage for at least one year, if not shana bet and more.
This is the time of year when parents and their high school-graduating sons and daughters are busily considering their options. By Purim, most of these choices have been made by the yeshivas, students and parents. For the high school senior on his or her way to Israel come this Elul, Purim can be an especially relaxing and enjoyable experience.
But what about parents of special-issues children? How should they go about selecting the right yeshiva or program? For the sixteen-year-old boy with a drug problem, for the seventeen-year-old girl with a history of serious eating disorders, or for the eighteen year old with a severe learning or social deficit, how does a parent determine which post-high school program is best? Or, for that matter, do they exist?
Even if one accepts a very conservative estimate that three percent of high-schoolers have such problems, that still accounts for a sizeable portion of our community. When you consider the range of serious problems and disorders from which teenagers may suffer – including depression, bi-polar and anxiety disorders – this becomes a matter of interest and concern to many families every year.
For most of us, Purim is an easy chag to celebrate; but for the family whose son has a history of drug use or a daughter with an alcohol problem, Purim becomes one of the most feared days of the year. The celebration for such families begins when Purim ends with their son or daughter having made it safely through the day.
In recent years, a number of specialty post-high school yeshiva programs have been established with a focus on adolescent boys and girls with drug-related and behavioral problems. While this was once the purview of only two or three such programs, there now seems to be one or two new programs opening every year in the U.S. and Israel. This is a good trend in response to our community’s increased – albeit reluctant – awareness and openness in confronting these issues.
Choosing the right post-high school yeshiva for a son or daughter with special needs is a complex process. Whereas for the majority of children we pick the yeshiva we feel offers the best learning (and perhaps the sort of “name recognition” that may boost shidduch prospects), the decision process for a son or daughter with problems involving drugs, alcohol, anorexia or depression involves a wholly different set of criteria. In the large – and even in the small – yeshivas, the “regular” bochur is expected to be on his own. This bochur selects a chavrusa, he learns bekius much of the day, and fends for himself to find Shabbos meals. Essentially, thes eighteen year olds are expected to be self-directed and live quasi-independent lives within a group setting.
Just the opposite environment is required for the teenager with a history of special problems. For the thousands of parents in New York, Chicago, Los Angeles, Toronto, Antwerp, London and elsewhere who every year have to make these difficult choices with their children, permit me to delineate seven criteria for parents to consider.
