Similarly, Rav Eliyahu Dessler spoke about building loving relationships through giving. He wrote that when we give to another, we invest a portion of ourselves in that person. Doing so allows and encourages us to see them as an extension of ourselves, which invariably means we will view them more favorably. Therefore, in order for us to fulfill the mitzvah of ahavas Hashem properly we need to devote ourselves wholeheartedly to Hashem and His mitzvos.
The same holds true for our relationships with others. If we are to build stronger connections based on mutual affinity and trust, we need to be willing to proactively invest in them in the form of time, resources, and the like.
The Zohar explains that at the beginning of Elul we are “achor el achor,” back to back with Hashem. By month’s end we are “panim el panim,” or face to face. The question arises as to how it is possible to be back to back, as it were, with Hashem, which implies that He has turned His back to us. Isn’t Elul a time of special divine closeness?
The answer is that turning a back symbolizes feelings of anger, hurt, or abandonment towards or from another. At that point, we have no idea about the other person’s posture but we assume he is also turned around. The result is that we don’t even try to repair the relationship. Why humble ourselves and engage in that process if the other person is (presumably) not interested?
Elul teaches us that we must be willing to explore new possibilities. We were wrong. Hashem never had His back turned. All we need to do is turn ourselves around to realize He is there waiting for us.
Most often, the same applies to our relationships with others. We wait for them to take the first step and when they don’t we assume they are not interested in us. Or we remain content with our social realities and choose not to make the investment that leads to deeper, more fulfilling relationships. As we saw in Megillas Esther, “Elul” expresses a true joy that can only be expressed in the company of those with whom we connect.
Let us use this period – one that transitions from the ills of selfishness to the rewards of relating – to build deeper, more fulfilling relationships with each other and with Hashem, and enter the Yamim Noraim with true sense of ahavah.
