A few years back I had the privilege of attending a conference for educators keynoted by Dr. Rick Lavoie, an internationally recognized expert in the area of special education.
One of the key thrusts of his address to principals focused on inclusion – the idea that schools should be more receptive to meeting the needs of “special” children. He implored us, as school leaders, to orchestrate a paradigm shift within our institutions by raising the inclusionary banner, impressing upon our teachers the need to assist these children and empowering them to do so most effectively.
Some of the ideas he presented related to how we perceive children with special needs. In his words, “these kids aren’t problems, they have problems.” The same way we demonstrate compassion and understanding for children who are physically handicapped or are enduring a health crisis, lo aleinu, we must also be highly considerate of children with learning handicaps.
Sometimes this consideration means not taking their behavior personally, even when they engage in disruptive or defiant conduct. Dr. Lavoie reminded us that “hurt people hurt people,” and that kids need love most when they deserve it least, simply because they may not get it elsewhere or because their entire school experience has been one of shame and failure.
He also reiterated a truism we all know but often forget – that fairness is not synonymous with equality. Rather, fairness means giving everyone what he or she needs. We simply cannot approach education from the perspective that one size fits all. We must be flexible, resilient, and willing to try new ideas. He quoted the words that once hung in FDR’s office: “Do something. If it works, do more of it. If it doesn’t work, do something else.”
There is another aspect to special education that is often overlooked: the significant impact these children have on their families. Dr. Lavoie shared two revealing pieces of information that shed much light on these challenges. One was a study that concluded that “the parental reaction to the diagnosis of learning disabilities is more severe and more profound than any other diagnosis.” That statement includes diagnoses of handicap, severe illness, and debilitation.
The reaction is so strong that nine times out of ten, parents engage in some form of coping mechanism before arriving at a level of acceptance of a special-needs diagnosis. Responses include, but are not limited to, denial (nothing’s wrong, it’ll go away), blame (someone is at fault for this), mourning (what will become of him? Will he ever achieve independence?), anger, guilt, and envy (it’s not fair; why me?).
A primary reason for this resistance is that, typically, there is no preparation or readiness on the part of parents for that first conversation with school staff to discuss a child’s challenges. Parents who thought their child was fine and generally capable are suddenly faced with a new, daunting reality.
He then offered a startling statistic to reinforce just how much of an effect such children can have on their families. While the overall divorce rate in the U.S. is (a not insignificant) 45 percent, some 71 percent of couples with severe special-needs kids will divorce or at least separate for extended periods.
He concluded by restating the need for the educational community not only to meet these children’s academic and emotional requirements but also to offer support to their families, the people who live with these children and are often consumed by their needs.
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The importance of each individual is certainly something we are all aware of. We see at the outset of this week’s parshah (as well as countless other sources) that Hashem loves each of us, independently and collectively, and views our very existence as an opportunity to demonstrate that love.
