I also hear a lot about how the women are so educated, sophisticated, and worldly, while the men are peasant folk. I wonder, though: are there really so many more Jewish women than men in schools of higher education, especially beyond the college level? And if educated religious women are primarily looking to date men from circles where pursuing a general education is a horrific concept, then they have no right to complain with the lack of sophistication of the men they are meeting. What do they expect? There are plenty of educated, sophisticated, worldly men who are yearning to meet a female counterpart. Just not in most kollel-centric societies.
Women also tend to attend marriage-oriented singles events and enlist the services of shadchanim in greater numbers than men. This further feeds the perception that there are far more women than men. The social events I’ve run, however, have consistently drawn significantly more men than women (and quality men at that).
My theory is that religious women are programmed to be more marriage-oriented, to the extent that nothing about events interests them beyond the perceived odds of finding their bashert. For this reason, speed dating events, stale “meet and mingle” events, singles weekends, dating web sites, and shadchanim – all of which have no purpose other than to make marriages in assembly-line fashion and make outrageous promises to that effect – draw far greater numbers of women.
More community-oriented events that provide natural opportunities for singles to get to know one another gradually, without the pressure of deciding in 10 minutes or less whether this person is “marriage material,” tend to draw fewer women. It’s a shame, because if more women took a somewhat different approach to meeting people socially, they would be pleasantly surprised with the caliber of guys who are out there. One does not need to compromise one’s modesty or desire to get married, either. Men can only marry women that they meet, and the more readily women are available to be met, the greater their chances of attracting the attention of a suitable man. There is nothing promiscuous or immodest about it.
These are just a few of the many myths and misconceptions that have been accepted in the religious community. It is to be hoped that shining the light of public discourse upon them will chase away some of the darkness of ignorance and thoughtlessness, and thereby help bring simcha to many of those who wallow in self-made pits of despair.
