How do we begin to instruct our youth about the importance of speaking with respect about all people?
First, our children should understand that while they are privileged to learn Torah, there is a tremendous responsibility that goes along with such study. People associate us with the Torah we learn and the religious values we profess. If we act in a manner that is consistent with the morals the Torah espouses, we will be praised and respected. If we don’t, we run the risk of profaning Hashem’s Name, chas v’shalom, in the eyes of those who observe us.
What constitutes chillul Hashem?… It was taught: ‘And you shall love the Lord your God’ (Devarim 6:5), 6meaning that the Name of Heaven should be beloved because of you. If someone studies Mikrah and Mishnah, and serves the disciples of the sages, is honest in business, and speaks pleasantly to other people, what do people then say concerning him? ‘Happy is the father who taught him Torah, happy the teacher who taught him Torah; woe unto people who have not studied the Torah, for this man has studied the Torah look how fine his ways are, how righteous his deeds!’…
But if someone studies Mikrah and Mishnah, serves the disciples of the sages, but is dishonest in business, and discourteous in his relations with people, what do people say about him? ‘Woe unto him who studied the Torah, woe unto his father who taught him Torah; woe unto his teacher who taught him Torah. This man studied the Torah; look how corrupt are his deeds, how ugly his ways.’ – Yoma 86a)
It may also be instructive to remind our children that no nation has suffered more from prejudicial thought and behavior throughout the centuries as have the Jewish people. In that context, it would seem to be quite paradoxical for members of a historically persecuted minority to feel emboldened to speak disparagingly against others.
Most important, we need to set an example of proper speech for our children, so that they truly understand how to think and communicate appropriately. Clearly, if we speak in a manner that reflects a negative attitude toward others, we can and should expect our children to do the same.
However, it is not sufficient to know that such talk did not originate under our watch. We must create an atmosphere of complete intolerance for such conduct, while reminding our children that we can take pride in our unique and distinctive purpose without knocking others. We must impress upon them the understanding that disparaging talk does not elevate their status. Rather, it lowers the moral standing of the speaker as much as it insults the recipient.
Ramban (commentary to Vayikra 19:14) questions why it is that the Torah specifically attaches the prohibition of cursing another Jew to the particular case of cursing a deaf man. The reason, he states, is that the likelihood of delivering such a curse is greater, since the deaf man will not hear the curse and become angry.
Why, then, is the behavior forbidden? On a simple level, the prohibition exists because of the damaging effects of such curses, whether the subjects of the curses are aware of them or not. Still, as the author of Sefer HaChinuch writes (Mitzvah 231), there is also a concern that the one who is doing the cursing will be negatively impacted by the experience. “The Torah prohibited this so that people not become accustomed to act in a manner that is vengeful or angry, which will lead to the reduction of one’s character.”
While serving as a principal I was called on more than one occasion by concerned parents whose children had begun to use unbecoming language – even “swear” words. As the parents were certain those words were never heard at home, they assumed they were being used at school (which may or may not have been the case). In calling, they wished to alert me of this development, as well as to ask for my assistance in ensuring that such talk not filter back into the home.
