A friend of mine recently posted a comment on a WhatsApp group about the cost of Orthodox life. Well, eight hours later the responses were still flooding in. Obviously, cost is something that people have very strong opinions about. And a lot of anxiety.
The statistics bear this out. Every time we have asked what issues people think are most important, at the very top of the list is something relating to cost. Most recently, in 2023, 85% said that the most important issue that we as a community absolutely must address over the next decade is the cost of Jewish education. And the overall cost of running a Jewish home was right behind it as a priority.
How much progress have we made? Given that so many people are talking about how the situation has gotten even worse, I fear there has not been a lot of progress. But to better understand what is going, we conducted a Nishma Research Pulse Mini-Poll on January 11-12 and got back almost 200 responses from members of the frum community, with very many write-in comments in which people expressed their concerns. I’d like to share the results, some of these comments from members of the community, and some suggestions that emerge.
Starting with the big picture, across the entire Orthodox community 43% say their household financial situation is excellent or very good; 27% say it’s good; and 30% rate it as fair-to-poor. Clearly, as one respondent noted, “Some people seem to be suffering but others seem to be living high lives.” (The figures presented in this article are for the entire Orthodox community combined in proportion to their representation in the community. Among the sectors, Modern Orthodox generally are doing somewhat better, Yeshivish are in the middle, and Chasidish are doing somewhat worse financially.)
Interestingly, financial comfort increases with age, especially among those 65 and older. This makes sense, given that day school tuitions are generally a thing of the past by age 65. (Yes, many grandparents do help out, I know!!) It is somewhat encouraging that 54% agreed that their household income allows for retirement savings. We didn’t ask how much people saved, but at least people do see it as a priority and are planning ahead.
Tuitions are arguably the key cost factor for many frum families. As one noted, “The cost of tuition is absolutely insane – it’s more for 3 children to attend private schools than anyone with a middle income can support (even two incomes). It’s over $100K after taxes!!! It’s not sustainable, and it’s driving people away from sending to schools. The lack of transparency from the schools in their financials does not help.”
But schools are aware of this. “Schools are more concerned than ever about holding tuition costs down and offering payment methods,” said one respondent. In a 2021 survey, we found that 48% of families get tuition assistance, and we estimated at that time (the figures have probably risen since then) that Modern Orthodox who get assistance receive a median of $7,100 per child and Charedim get a median of $3,100 per child (as the tuitions are lower). Our advice continues to be: don’t be shy. Ask. Yes, it can be a bit embarrassing and revealing, but if you are struggling, ask for assistance.
Then there is housing. I remember (and it really wasn’t that long ago) when a million-dollar house was extraordinary – a mansion. But today? Multi-million-dollar homes are the norm, or close to it, in many neighborhoods, and the mortgage payments and property taxes can be really high. We do live in compressed neighborhoods, within walking distance of a shul, so there is the impact of a limited supply and growing demand.
As one person commented, “My mortgage on a basic house bought post Covid is almost 6k per month. Tuition and day camp (not sleep away) for 4 children is almost 80k. That’s 145K post tax dollars before we pay for utilities, clothes, car insurance etc. doesn’t even touch savings or the stress of making a family simcha.”
Do we have options? Some of our survey respondents suggested that people consider other communities or neighborhoods. But with jobs, family, a fit with one’s hashkafa, what people are looking for, etc., this may or may not be realistic. There are indeed nice smaller communities with many amenities (although fewer school options and restaurants – the latter not necessarily a bad thing), but with lower costs. These communities also include less pressure to conform in some ways that involve spending, as we shall discuss below.
The cost of food was usually mentioned. People kvetch about it and, while it seemed to not be among the top cost factors cited, there were some telling comments: “Jewish supermarkets have inflated cost of basic food and groceries to a point where grocery bills can be 30% of monthly costs. Everything is priced to the living standard of the wealthiest customers.” Another commented, “The cost of living has risen since the pandemic. This can be seen generally. It is further exacerbated by being kosher. The cost of rabbinical certification adds an additional level of cost. There are competing certifications and they do not ensure that the consumer is getting the best deal.”
Perhaps the most passionate comments overall related to ostentatious spending and competitiveness – what I have heard referred to, somewhat humorously but also quite seriously, as “the gashmius-industrial complex.” For example: “Even in my yeshivish community, people have become significantly more showy in all material things, especially simchos and construction.” Another commented: “Stop caring what other people think. Live below your means if possible. Drive an old car, you don’t have to go away every time there is a school vacation, say no to your kids when they ask for $1000 coats, etc.” And yet another: “Limit the ads in frum magazines promoting zillion dollar apartments for a life of ruchniyus in Jerusalem. The materialism is over the top. Tremendous contradiction. People are hurting as they try to raise good families. This doesn’t need a survey!”
Are things really getting worse?
We asked, “Has the cost situation or cost pressures in your community become worse in the last few years?” The vast majority – 73% of all Orthodox – say things have indeed gotten worse. (Incidentally, an article in the Wall Street Journal the same week as this survey found that 66% of Americans in mid-term Senate election swing states felt that the affordability problem was getting worse – not that different from the views of our Orthodox community.)
How Are People Holding Up?
Let’s close with some good news. For me, the most interesting question we asked is: “To what extent do you agree with the statement: Orthodoxy has additional costs, but overall, the additional costs are worth it.” In response, 92% agreed with this statement, 3% were neutral, and 5% disagreed, with strong agreement across all sectors of Orthodoxy. One person reflected a widespread sentiment: “I know what’s out there and I don’t want it. It’s hard but it’s worth it.”
So Where Do We Go From Here?
The topic is complicated and there are no simple solutions. But conversations with people in the community and the survey findings do suggest a few key takeaways for starters: (1) teach young people basic finance; (2) learn to resist communal spending pressure and how to say no (including to children); (3) to ask for help when needed, e.g., schools; (4) be flexible (if possible) in terms of where you live. Finally, of course, as a number of people commented, to have Emunah, daven, learn, give tzedakah, etc., as ways to stay calm and balanced.