The previous Tu b’Av I organized an arts festival, which drew a wide range of singles and a few married folks as well. Nearly half of the singles arranged a date through the event, they didn’t need help from a matchmaker, and no halachot were compromised. No singles event in history saw half its participants get a date, and certainly not in such a low-pressure fashion. The cost of each event was less tan ten dollars per person.
3) Get feedback from singles. It is the height of arrogance for an individual or a community to attempt to help singles without soliciting their input and taking it seriously.
Would you run a business with such disregard and disrespect for your customers? Would you be surprised if such a business had poor results? Then why are singles events run this way? And why don’t singles have enough self-esteem to demand a better product, or create one themselves?
4) Age ranges are optional, but if you have one, stick to it. Younger singles, particularly females, shy away from events because they expect to be placed in uncomfortable situations. Make it clear that your age limit will be strictly enforced, and don’t budge or make exceptions. Also make it clear that those who attempt to deceive the organizers will not be welcome at future events.
Older singles are just as deserving of our help as younger singles, but it is unfair for older singles to hijack events created specifically for a younger group. The one time I set an age limit, several young singles expressed gratitude for my sticking to it, and said they would not have come otherwise. Once you make an exception, it is impossible to draw the line anywhere, and the purpose of the age limit will be defeated.
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Now that people seem more willing to think outside the box, it’s time to step outside it. If people are willing to subject themselves to interrogations and investigations to get a first date – if they are willing to post a profile on the Internet for all to see – they should be willing to try a normal, low-pressure event. All I ask is that you try it once. If you’re like more than 90 percent of those I’ve encountered, you’ll find it refreshing.
I urge Jewish communities all over the world to give these ideas some serious thought, and invite shuls, community leaders, and concerned individuals to contact me. In the coming days I plan to organize more events, but the success can increase exponentially if even a few more people get involved. Again, all I ask is for anyone who isn’t satisfied with the current shidduch “system” to give this a chance. The risk is minimal. The potential benefits will reverberate for generations to come.
