This story illustrates the last step of the program: what is emphasized to the children. “We tell them they need to always check with their parents. If anyone makes them feel uncomfortable, they can say no and then go and tell their parent. We explain that no one can touch them if they’re uncomfortable or talk about something that makes them feel uncomfortable.” Magen Yeladim calls this an automatic “Do Tell.” In other words, yes, tell your parents! The child might be scared because the perpetrator is bigger than he or she. If abuse does happen because the child is scared, then he or she is encouraged to tell his or her parents right away. “We explain that touching is never a secret and never a game. You can say no to brothers and sisters, rebbeim, aunts and uncles. We emphasize that nobody can tell you to keep a secret from your parents. Even if someone says they will hurt you, tell your parents. It’s their job to protect you.”
“A first grade rebbe in one community was concerned when he heard we were going to speak to the kids. He thought we would make them anxious and paranoid. When we finished the program, he told us that he really loved his students and he had initially thought we would needlessly frighten them but after he saw the aidel way we spoke to them and taught them what they needed to know in order to protect themselves, he really appreciated it.”
An issue of grave concern, Debbie shares, is the rising rate of abuse between older and younger children. It is happening in homes between siblings and cousins a She explains that Magen Yeladim International spends a tremendous amount of time with parents trying to help them set up boundaries at home so their children do not get into compromised situations. She encourages parents to make tzniyus a conversation in the home. A lot of families only have one bathroom in which everyone showers. Perhaps make a STOP sign and hang it outside the door so everybody knows when somebody is in there. She discusses what to do when all the relatives come for Yom Tov and there are 20 kids flying around. Parents have to check on their kids. Let them know there’s supervision. ‘Hi, how’s the game going?’ There should never be a two-hour time period when nobody is around. All doors should be open when playing, she adds.
Debbie says that often when she speaks to different communities, invariably an individual or two or three will come up to her and say: “Where were you 30 years ago when I was a child and needed you?” Or they’ll say, “You’re 25 years too late.” She shares a story about a woman who went home after a workshop and shared with her husband what she had learned. He burst into tears and told her he had been molested as a child. At that moment, the woman said, everything that had gone on in their marriage began to make sense. They made a commitment to seek professional help. The woman thanked her for changing her life.
A final story. A child became separated from his parents on Magic Mountain in LA. He calmly walked over to a park attendant, referred to in the Kid Safety program as a “safe helper,” and said, “I need to use your phone, I lost my parents.” The attendant gave him his cell and the child called his father and said, “I’m outside the popcorn stand, please come and get me.”