Bucking The Big-Spending Trend
I found it interesting to read the responses to the recent “Is It Proper?” query of “Are our weddings too expensive?” When our daughter got married four years ago, we tried very hard to cut costs in any way we could but were often foiled because when you make a wedding in one of the Jewish simcha halls, you either accept the packages they offer, or you are invited to go elsewhere. Another deterrent to cost control is that a wedding is made by two different families, and this often requires concessions and compromise.
We tried to raise our girls not to get caught up in the outrageous little and not so little extras that go along with getting engaged. My daughter refused the traditional diamond bracelet and by the vort, one of her aunts picked up my daughter’s wrist and outright asked, “Where is your bracelet?!” Likewise, we didn’t buy our son-in-law a watch; instead we bought him something practical that he actually needed and could not afford on his own. It’s not just about the money – it’s also about buying unnecessary things and following arbitrary rules of gift-giving just because everyone else does it.
The wedding itself, though, is just the beginning. A few years later when my daughter had a baby, she learned about the expensive strollers that everyone had to have – the Doona and the UPPAbaby – as well as all the other accoutrements that every little Jewish prince needs. And the cycle continues because keeping up with the Bernsteins, as Kylie Ora Lobell mentioned, is an endless loop. When I grew up, it was Biz skirts and Bass penny loafers – now there are sheitels that cost $8,000 and the Moose Knuckle coats (yes this is a thing) that are in the $800 range which the elementary school kids are wearing.
One of the rabbis in the original “Is It Proper?” article mentioned that this is happening because we are living in prosperous times. This is not true for every family. People are in deep credit-card debt to live a lifestyle they can ill afford, but they are pressured to live this way. No one wants to be an outlier or to be viewed as cheap.
For us, one of the answers was moving out of town where the kids wear clothes from Target and Walmart and generally the standard of living is lower. There is no question that peer pressure everywhere is fierce, and no one wants their children to feel left out or different, but this has to be tempered with each family’s economic reality.
Maybe if we all start to live within our means and say no to ridiculous trends, we can turn this all around. Sadly, I’m not so sure that’s ever going to happen.
Dr. Chani Miller
Highland Park, NJ
No Talking In Shul – No Exceptions
In a recent column, Rabbi Mordechai Weiss depicts his experience attending a shul in Tzur Hadassah (Observations, June 21). He writes that “the noise was deafening” in the synagogue. In order to actually hear the Torah reading, he had to go to the front of the room. “Talking, talking, and more talking” was the ambience of this Shabbat service. Yet overcoming his initial anger at this desecration of a holy place, Rabbi Weiss excuses the behavior. Noting that “these young family men are the ones who put their lives on the line,” he asks: “How dare I criticize them? They are the brave heroes of our time.”
This approach is not the Torah approach. Yes, our soldiers, the men and women who daily face death, are heroes. That fact, however, does not grant them a free pass to destroy the sanctity of a synagogue! Judaism does not believe that doing one mitzvah allows one to therefore commit a sin. And when it comes to a shul, this errant notion entirely falls apart.
Our rabbis, throughout history, have made it crystal clear that a beit knesset is a “mikdash me’at,” a spiritual miniature of the Beit HaMikdash. A shul inherently carries sanctity, even when prayers are not being said. When a minyan is in progress, this sanctity is magnified, as we hope that the Shechina, the Divine Presence, will descend upon the minyan, thereby increasing the power of the tefillah.
Talking in shul has many ill effects. It disturbs those who are trying to daven. It demonstrates a lack of honor for the prayer service. Talking during the Torah reading is tantamount to a denial of the importance of the Torah itself. And this lack of respect for davening potentially drives the Divine Presence away. Even more frightening, the Mishna Brurah (124:7, 27) records that there are synagogues that were destroyed as a punishment for talking during services.
And so, no, Rabbi Weiss, our heroes do not get a free pass in shul. Rather, when seeing improper shul behavior, we must not be afraid to ask the disrupters to be quiet. Of course, the preferred approach is to do so politely. However, the halacha (Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim 124:7) states that it is permitted to publicly rebuke someone who talks in shul.
At this precarious juncture in our history, let us affirm our love and appreciation for tefillah and for our synagogues by committing ourselves to remain quiet during davening.
Avi Goldstein
Far Rockaway, NY
Biden Must Go
In response to the editorial entitled “Joe Biden Is More Than A Lightning Rod” (July 5), I believe that if he is replaced as the Democratic candidate, the person who succeeds the cognitively impaired president has to answer for Biden’s failures. Moreover, I asseverate that no matter who might replace him, that candidate will promote the same policies.
Many understand now that Biden does not have the mental or physical capabilities to serve as president. The Democratic party, however, wants to replace him because he will most likely lose to former President Trump.
I am deeply concerned about the President remaining in office for the next few months even if he voluntarily abandons his reelection bid. His mental decline seems to be accelerating and he cannot fulfill the duties of the presidency. Thus, he should resign, for his diminished capacity poses a threat to our country and the world. If not, the 25th amendment must be invoked to remove Biden from office.
Dr. Mel Waldman
Brooklyn, NY
Holocaust Education Is No Easy Feat
When I read your article about the 22 educators who spent five days learning how to teach the Holocaust (“22 Holocaust Educators From Eight U.S. States & Poland Receive Coveted Lerner Fellowships,” July 5), I hearkened back to what prepared me to teach the Holocaust.
I spent three weeks in Poland and Israel, learning under the finest professors in the world, visiting Auschwitz, Treblinka, etc., and studying for two weeks at Yad Vashem. I taught about the Holocaust for 50 years, visiting various museums in and outside the United States, and attending numerous conferences in New York City.
It is hard to believe that after five days these educators will be comfortable thinking they can effectively teach the Holocaust. I had my students see salient documentaries, listen to eyewitness accounts of survivors, interview survivors, simulate living under a dictatorship, design a Holocaust museum, and raise money to help Jewish children today. Our crowning achievement was to help sponsor a playground for children next to Kever Rachel. If you visit Kever Rachel today, you can see a plaque in the playground thanking Bruriah High School in Elizabeth, New Jersey, for the playground for children who live next to Kever Rachel. My students accomplished that.
It should be quite clear that teaching the Holocaust and its present offspring, contemporary antisemitism, is quite a challenge. I retired from teaching in 2020, and I am not modest about what I accomplished in teaching the Holocaust. It requires a continuous recognition of the climate that fosters a Holocaust. Teachers, the media, politicians, and Jewish organizations need to remind people of just what is now happening around the world.
Joel M. Glazer
Elizabeth, NJ
Incompetence Perfected
There is even more to “Biden Just Destroyed Himself and the Media” (Ben Shapiro, July 4). When it comes to border security, inflation, urban crime, critical medicine shortages, airline flight delays and cancellations, and a growing $34.8 trillion national debt, President Joe Biden, Vice President Kamala Harris who was assigned by Biden to be his “border czar,” Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg, Department of Homeland Security Chief Aljandro Mayorkas, and other members of the Biden team are the perfect example of the Peter Principle: They have all been promoted to their respective level of incompetence. Do we really want to reward them with a second term?
Larry Penner
Great Neck, NY
