We hold in our esteem Jews who rise to the challenge, who become ba’alei teshuva, fight antisemitism, make aliyah, send their children to fight in the IDF, work for Holocaust education, and change their names accepting a higher Jewish mission. But what about people who don’t have any obligation to do any of this, by virtue of not being born Jewish – yet choose to do it, all of it, anyway?
I’m talking of course about converts, who take on these challenges, and, in addition, have the obstacle of not always being accepted into mainstream Judaism by Jews, who themselves haven’t always given up as much in their own spiritual journey.
This is a story about two converts who were drawn to each other from opposite sides of the world, and whose story displays the greatest orchestration of events by The Conductor, and their following Him note by note.
Chaya is originally Québécoise. Picture Celine Dion in a tichel, and you get a rough idea of Chaya’s look and vibe. Upon converting to Judaism she chose the name Chaya because it’s the penultimate level of the soul, and she has high aspirations. She worked in journalism and government and today works in grants administration.
She and her husband, also a ger, made aliyah. He prefers to be anonymous since he has not always been met with welcoming acceptance, but let’s call him “Benny.” They have one son, who has until recently been serving on the northern border as a Golani soldier. When I asked her how she had the courage to sign for her only son’s combat army service (a rule for parents with only one son), Chaya said she had always wanted to be a spy. She was even personally recommended by a friend with connections to the Mossad, but they said she was “too much” for them (I know what they mean; unobtrusiveness is not one of her qualities). But she understands the need for someone to follow their dream, even if it’s dangerous, so she relented. “I didn’t want to be a stumbling block in my son’s life, so after years of resisting, I signed.”
It’s very poetic because her whole journey started when she had an Israeli boyfriend in Montreal, who had come to Canada to avoid serving in the army. Up until meeting him, she had had no contact with Jews. Her parents were separated and her mother was a hippie, part of the anti-religious establishment. Ironically, when she would misbehave, her mother would say, “Ma petite Juive, (my little Jew).” Well her mother clearly had foresight.
Chaya became curious about Judaism and began studying it, when her boyfriend couldn’t answer her questions. She also worked for the Canadian Jewish Congress, had connections with the Canada-Israel Committee and was one of two non-Jews worldwide to get a full scholarship by the World Zionist Organization to go study Hebrew at Ulpan Akiva in Netanya in Israel. It is there that she met her husband, who had been told there was no way he could convert in his European country, and came to Israel to study. She was entranced by the way he sang during the ulpan’s synagogue’s Kabbalat Shabbat. She felt that they connected spiritually and were looking in the same direction. “It’s a beautiful love story,” she says.
She eventually had to return to Canada. Her future husband wanted to stay in Israel but he also wanted the keep dating Chaya. In fact, that’s what he told immigration when he got there, in Quebecois slang. Benny’s mother was part French and he had spent a few years in France.
Both Chaya and Benny finished their conversion process in Canada (a week apart) – a week before Pesach, after 10 years of being in the process – and were so eager to start their life as Jews. They married and spent more than 15 years in Canada. They were living in Ottawa when Chaya was the victim of vicious antisemitism in the Canadian government, where she worked. She sued the government and won but the harrowing experience was, for her, the catalyst for their move to Israel. They have been living near Jerusalem ever since.
It’s ironic that Benny met a lot of antagonism on his conversion journey (not only from rabbis) because today he is involved in Holocaust research and education, and he is clearly a religious Jew. No one knows that Benny is not a bona fide Jew from birth. His wife is very open about her own journey, which makes telling their story a bit complicated.
Benny was attracted to Judaism since he was a teenager. He doesn’t know why. His stepfather was a secular Jew and he had Jewish friends. He had studied law but in order to stay in Canada after his tourist visa was up, he went back to school and got a Master’s and a PhD at Université de Montréal, and graduated with full honors.
It’s sad that someone who has embraced Judaism as deeply as Benny has done has to hide the fact that he is a ger. Apparently loving the ger is a mitzvah people still have to work on. But this hasn’t stopped him and Chaya from building a bayit ne’eman b’Yisrael, in Israel. And, although neither of them had very much exposure to Jews or Judaism in their early lives, they have, through faith and determination, become the kind of Jews that we can all aspire to be. Eh?
