We are progressive, caring, socially advanced, egalitarian and freedom-loving
progressives. We really care about people. We think peace is wonderful and war is evil. We are
marching to prevent the American imperialists from mistreating Iraqis. We oppose American
hegemony. We think George W. Bush is a mad cowboy. We love Palestinians and want them to
be free.
Here we present our Grand Marching Song, set to John Philip Sousa. All together now:
We believe in enlightened government and progress.
And that is why we support Arab fascism.
We believe in peace.
And that is why we support all military aggression against Israel.
We believe in freedom.
And that is why we support Hussein and Assad, as well as Arafat.
We believe in self-determination and self-definition for all.
But not for Jews.
We oppose violence.
And that is why we support Palestinian terror.
We believe in human dignity.
And that is why we applaud when Arabs blow up Jewish women and children.
We believe in fraternity and the brotherhood of nations.
Which is why we don?t protest when our Arab friends attempt genocide against Jews.
We believe in voting.
Which is why we applaud Libya, Sudan, Iran, and Iraq and condemn Israel.
We believe in freedom of movement and migration.
Except for Jews.
We favor equality.
As in Syria, Iraq and Libya.
We favor minority rights.
Except for Jews, Kurds, southern Sudanese, Copts and other politically incorrect groups.
We believe in freedom.
But do not mind that slavery still exists in Sudan, Saudi Arabia and other Arab states.
We believe in a free press.
And so we support censorship by the PLO.
We believe in freedom to practice religion.
But only for Moslems.
We believe in affirmative action for those who suffered from past discrimination.
But not for Jews.
We believe in egalitarianism.
And so we support ethnic cleansing of Jews in the Middle East.
We love children and living things.
And this is why we applaud suicide bombers.
We hate it when people blame the victims.
Which is why all terrorism is the Jews' fault.
We believe in education.
As long as we never have to read any books.
We believe in multiculturalism.
As long as no one ever has to learn respect for Jews, Christians or the West.
We believe in progress.
As long as Arab countries never are asked to progress beyond the 12th century.
We believe in prosperity.
And that is why we support Arab feudalism and kleptocracy.
We believe in freedom of expression.
Which is why people who do not agree with us must be censored.
We believe the human rights of Arabs must be protected.
But not in Arab countries.
We are upset by illiteracy.
And that is why we practice it.
We oppose torture.
Except when it is practiced by the Palestinian Authority or other progressive Arabs.◙
Steven Plaut is a professor at Haifa University. His book ?The Scout? is available
through Amazon.com. He can be contacted at [email protected]