A search for The Reason is fully underway, and the single is now commonly advised to enlist others to help probe for answers. Perhaps it is too soon for therapy, but it might be a good idea to “talk to someone and figure out why you’re having such a hard time getting married.” (Call it therapy-lite.) In the history of the world there has been exactly one therapist (or person playing that role) who declared that the patient (or person playing that role) doesn’t have a glaring problem that is inhibiting him from getting married, and that he should just keep doing what he’s been doing. Sadly, this unique therapist quickly went out of business, and thus his approach immediately fell into disfavor.
A single who denies the existence of a deep problem in his conduct, attitude, or methods is declared stubborn and arrogant, which thenceforth becomes The Reason for his lack of success. Efforts are continually made to convince him that this is his problem.
By this time it is generally accepted that he has already met the right one, or several people who were worthy of becoming the right one, and blown it. If the single rejects a potential date, he is chastised for being “too picky” and not giving the other person “a chance.” If, however, he is the one rejected, he is chastised for turning off yet another person in some indefinable way. In other words, he can’t win.
Now that it has been established that there must be a problem, and it is with the single himself, there is no going back. His torment from third parties wishing to help him, take advantage of him, or both will not cease. It is part of the curse of being single.
Despite still being only a baby, I have observed that many married people have severe flaws in their personality and character that I believe would make it difficult for them to get married if they were single. Not surprisingly, many such people seek marriage counseling, and many of the rest should. Nevertheless, they are generally accepted and respected by their community, and for one simple reason: they are married. Honestly, if these same people, with all their many flaws and idiosyncrasies, were single, don’t you know that they would be looked down upon?
But this is one of the beautiful things about marriage: no matter how objectively dislikable and disagreeable one may be, if he has found one person in the world who is willing to live with him and attach her fortune to his, he has achieved a significant level of stature. This person will never be alone. This person will never be isolated, will never lack support in the face of challenges and accusations.
This person has someone who believes in him, regardless of what anyone else may think of him, and for that we too must respect that person. After all, whatever problems he may have can’t be that bad – he got married, didn’t he?
The single, on the other hand, is all alone and utterly defenseless. However many friends and relatives he may have who on some level believe in him, support him, and keep him company, in essence he lives his life alone. When others begin to speculate about his problems and how they are holding him back, he has no one to laugh in their faces, to assure him that no matter how imperfect he may still be he is deeply appreciated for who he is. He has no one who will stick with him even when he may be wrong. He has no one who will invest in him long term, whose very existence in his life brings a sense of comfort and self-esteem.