The front door flew open, wind shrieking, rain coming down in torrents. The trespasser strolled in unannounced, smirking at the frightened man.
“Wha-wha-what do y-y-you want? Get out!” implored the homeowner.
“Just take it easy and don’t upset me!” yelled the ugly brute, his heavy, mud-caked boots stomping across the shining floor, leaving large, wet and dirty footprints.
“What’s the matter?” he roared at the homeowner. “Don’t you recognize me?”
“I…I…I…” was all the frightened homeowner could manage.
“What?” snarled the interloper. “I’ve been your guest for so many years and you feign non-recognition? Or is it disbelief that I have reappeared? Did I ever leave you completely? Over the years I visited members of your family all over the world and kept sending you reminders, souvenirs and mementos. Why are you pretending not to know me? Were you hoping that after the last extended visit you would never see me again? Oh, yes, I did hear you tell me not to come back; I remember I laughed heartily the last time I exited the door and you yelled ?Never Again? while shaking a scrawny little fist at me.”
The terrified man retreated slowly as the big bruiser flopped himself on the sofa, lifted his dirty boots and slammed them on the glass coffee table. He ordered the shaking man to sit down on the floor.
“Pay attention!” he bellowed as the cowering, anxious man sat down on the carpet; one could almost hear the chattering teeth and the palpitating heart. Sweating profusely, his eyes darted furtively toward the door and back again. The intruder began to speak. The rain kept pounding on the window pane.
“Seeing that you pretend not to recognize me, let me re-introduce myself. I am the one known as Jewish Guilt. Deeply imbedded in the very being of our people, I burst forth at appropriate occasions to apologize, to beg forgiveness, to self-crucify. I came calling again in the form of the Or Commission report just released by Israel, a document reflecting our deeply ingrained craving for self-indictment.
“The report shouted to the world, ‘Here I am, don’t anyone fret! I, the Jew, am guilty. I, the Jew, the eternal punching bag, do apologize for any wrongs, conceptual or otherwise, I may have inflicted in the process of protecting my country, my children, my society. These tears you see are sincere, the agony dredged up in self-incrimination for my audacity in trying to safeguard myself.”
“Yes! I am the cursed Jewish Guilt that must apologize, right or wrong. I must apologize so that the higher standard I am held to remains untainted. I must apologize for the awful misconception that the Arabs of Israel are nothing more than fifth-column mercenaries in the employ of arch-terrorist Arafat. I apologize profusely for attempting to stop the daily riots orchestrated by the PA chieftain and his henchmen. I apologize for every police officer who entertained the silly notion that his life might be in jeopardy; after all, not every Molotov Cocktail explodes and not every rock or brick hits its mark.
“I apologize for reacting with violence against violence; my life, after all doesn’t compare to that of the lowly fallah raising the twenty-kilo boulder in crazed anticipation of smashing my head open. I apologize for the stupid supposition running through my mind that maybe, just maybe, if one of these crazed Arab rioters got a hold of me, I, too, would be the unlucky beneficiary of another bloody lynching.
“Once again, as was the case with other past inquiries, the Or Commission findings are nothing more than another slap-down, another unnecessary apology in order to placate our enemies. Here, once again, I, Jewish Guilt, have taken center stage as a self-inflicted whipping plays itself out yet again in front of a worldwide audience salivating at the stupidity of the Jew. The spectacle of self-incrimination provides the world with a never-ending comedy. Our enemies
continue to strike, kill and maim us – and we apologize. We apologize for their sufferings, for their illiteracy, for their unquenchable thirst for Jewish blood.
“The Or Commission members – fundamentally left, radically liberal, sorry to be Jewish, pro-our enemy – follow faithfully in the path of other yellow-striped, spineless cowards. Fanning the growing wind of revived anti-Semitism, they saw fit to practically exonerate the perpetrators of the riots while shamelessly plastering the mark of Cain on the foreheads of those determined to halt the mayhem.”
The homeowner, listening in complete stupefaction, nodded in amazement as the intruder continued talking.
“Do you now understand?” the threatening figure boomed in a voice tinged with contempt. “We Jews are always the cause and the reason for mankind’s troubles; it is our misguided notion that we are called on to survive that stands in the way of others. Economic downturn is a direct result of Jewish manipulation of state economies; political upheavals are the consequence of our inability to move with the prevailing stream; the animosity of the world is the product of our inability to conform. As such, it follows, we need to apologize, forgive, retreat, release, return, and forfeit.
Abruptly the savage apparition stopped talking, his anger having reached its crest. Getting up slowly, he walked to the door, the homeowner’s frightened eyes following his every move. As the intruder walked out into the dark, rainy night, the homeowner jumped up and nervously made his way to the doorway.
“Sir,” he shouted at the echoing footsteps. “Sir, please allow me to apologize for yelling at you.”
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