Tisha B’Av commemorates several catastrophes, most notably the destruction of both Batei Mikdash. One of the main components of the day is reciting kinnos (liturgical poems of grief and anguish). This is something for both men and women to do, and it isn’t connected to being in shul. Even someone at home or going to work can read the kinnos. The reason for reciting kinnos is to help us fulfill the obligation to mourn the tragedies that befell the Jewish people. The goal is that on Tisha B’Av we should feel like an aveil (one in mourning) over the churban (destruction).
Anyone who has experienced aveilus over a loved one will note that there isn’t a similar practice during the week of shiva. An aveil is not required to utter prayers of sadness and loss. (In the Mourners’ Kaddish, there is no mention of grief or even death. Instead, the tefillah proclaims the greatness of Hashem as a way of affirming Hashem’s justice during a period when one’s faith might be challenged.) Since Tisha B’Av is a day of mourning, when we sit on low chairs and don’t wear leather shoes just like an aveil, why does Tisha B’Av include the additional practice of saying kinnos?
This difference between shiva and Tisha B’Av can be explained by the Gemara (Yevamos 43b), which differentiates between aveilus chadasha, a “new” mourning caused by a tragedy that just struck a family or an individual, and aveilus yeshana, an “old,” mourning resulting from a historical disaster. Rav Soloveitchik, in Out of the Whirlwind: Essays on Mourning, Suffering and the Human Condition, describes the first type, aveilus chadasha, as follows: “It is a primordial, instinctual, spontaneous response of man …to the traumatic confrontation with death, to the impact of catastrophe and disaster. It is an existential response, not one that evolves by the application of artificial stimuli.” By contrast, for aveilus yeshana it is difficult to have an impulsive reaction because the wound is no longer fresh. As such, this type of mourning needs to be artificially induced. That is the function of saying kinnos on Tisha B’Av: to evoke feelings of anguish and loss that wouldn’t otherwise come naturally to us.
But how does reciting liturgical poems induce us to feel a similar type of mourning to what we instinctively feel over a recent tragedy?
If we analyze the kinnos closely, we find that the paytanim (poets who composed the kinnos) tapped into the feelings that are generally associated with mourning: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Long before these constructs would become known as the “Five Stages of Grief,” the paytanim intuited that one who experiences mourning will undergo each of these emotions (although not necessarily in sequential order). Therefore, if the objective of the kinnos is to rouse and cultivate a sense of bereavement, they must incorporate these elements. The kinnos accomplish this poignantly and effectively:
Denial: In this stage, one struggles to grasp the tragedy that has occurred. This is the essence of the word “eicha,” which not only begins three chapters of Megillas Eicha (The Book of Lamentations) but also many of the kinnos (#7, 9, 10, 14, 15). Eicha is translated as “how can it be so,” and it is an expression of utter bewilderment and incomprehension over what has happened. This idea is also found in the first kinnah that we say on Tisha B’Av morning (#6), where we express our incredulity that the Jewish people, who were once an exalted nation, suddenly became the object of derision and scorn. Similarly, in the kinnah titled “Im tochalna” (#17), we struggle to fathom how the normally compassionate Jewish people acted with callousness, and even depravity, towards their own children. You’ll note that the kinnah doesn’t say “Ki tochalna” – which would be translated as when or because Jewish women hurt their children. Instead, it says “Im tochalna” – “if” Jewish women hurt their children. We know that these horrible incidents happened; it is a certainty. So why is this phrase written as if there is some doubt? This is an expression of our denial, where we struggle to believe that it is actually so, in spite of the facts before us.
Anger: The pain from a loss is often expressed as bitterness and outrage. Part of this anger is based on the feeling that what happened wasn’t fair. Examples of this emotion are found in the kinnos “Ei ko” (#13) and “V’atah amartah” (#18), where we object to having lost our prior close relationship with Hashem. We complain that we are being deprived of something we were promised and to which we are entitled. In questioning Hashem, we ask how He could let this happen and why He didn’t protect us. (It is important to note that usually we don’t indulge in this sort of query, instead adhering to the principle of tzidduk hadin, that Hashem’s judgment is unquestionably correct. Only on Tisha B’Av is it condoned.)
Bargaining: In this stage, one strives to find something that can be done to improve the situation, and if possible, to restore the status quo as it was before the tragedy. This is beautifully expressed in the kinnah “a’adeh ad chug shamayim” (#8), where we ask Hashem to help us find the words that would effectively advocate for our redemption and convince Hashem to return us from our sorrow.
Depression: The bereaved wonders how life can continue in the face of the tragedy. This despair and despondency is captured in the kinnah “Eich tanachamuni”(#28), where we profess that our grief over the destruction of the Beis HaMikdash is so great that it is impossible for us to be comforted.
Acceptance: Finally, one acknowledges and accepts the calamity that has occurred. In a Torah framework, this is taken a step further where, although we may not understand the tragedy, we recognize that it was the correct, true judgment. Many kinnos demonstrate this concept by admitting that the suffering that we were forced to endure was retribution for our misdeeds (#1, 9, 15). We see this idea communicated explicitly in the kinnah “lecha Hashem hatzedaka” (#19). In this kinnah we accept the destruction of the Beis HaMikdash as punishment for our many sins over the course of history.
In a recent book by David Kessler, an expert on bereavement, he identifies a sixth stage of grief, which he calls “meaning.” In this final stage, a person can transform his loss into something hopeful and uplifting. Like the first five stages, this stage of grief is also incorporated into the kinnos. Many of them conclude with a sentence echoing the sentiment of the final verse of Megillas Eicha: “Hashivenu Hashem eilecha venashuva – Bring us back to You Hashem and we shall return.” This verse is meant to galvanize us to do teshuva and to correct our misbehaviors.
It’s important to note that doing teshuva isn’t just a side point of Tisha B’Av – it’s the main point. The Sages tell us that any generation in which the Beis HaMikdash isn’t rebuilt is considered culpable for its destruction. Therefore, Tisha B’Av isn’t just a day to sit down and distantly remember the horrible events that happened in the past. Instead, we are meant to take the messages behind those events and apply them to our lives.
We see that the recitation of kinnos can evoke the gamut of the emotions conducive to mourning, and therefore be very impactful on our Tisha B’Av experience – provided, of course, that one comprehends the message that each kinnah is conveying. With understanding and appreciation, reciting the kinnos can induce feelings of mourning over events in the past, and also rouse us to change our present behavior in order to bring about the ultimate redemption in the (hopefully near) future.
