If this person showed up at your door for a blind date, would you experience a sinking, disappointed feeling? Would you shift into shut-down mode and merely go through the motions of a date, polite but not at all engaging or enthusiastic? Would you tell this gentleman you think he’s a great guy but unfortunately you don’t see it working out, despite how well he treated you and how much you have in common otherwise? If you answered “yes” to one or more of these questions, you are also preoccupied with looks, and therefore should not complain about this ever again.
The truth is, natural meetings are actually more favorable for overcoming minimal attraction. If two people have a chance to get to know one another outside the pressures and expectations of a formal shidduch date, there will be greater room for flexibility in terms of physical attraction. Once two people decide to begin dating one another, physical attraction will never be a concern; after all, they have already seen one another and spent time together. And the first time people who met naturally go out on a date, they will already have met and developed a comfortable basis for conversation.
Natural meetings should not be thought of as an “alternative” method of meeting, something only appropriate for “some circles” or something to be tried only after one reaches the age of desperation, but rather as the absolute best and most pleasant way to meet a potential spouse. Matchmaking, unnatural singles events, and online dating should be alternative options to supplement natural meetings.
Again, there is no foolproof method of meeting that eliminates all the concerns, uncertainties, and potential risks of dating. Shidduch dating exists only for this purpose, yet continues to produce woeful results a great deal of the time. Unless the shadchan is actually a personal friend who is looking out for the best interests of both individuals, a blind date with what amounts to a stranger is simply not a pleasant or effective way to meet a potential spouse. A natural meeting is, regardless of how it turns out.
Just ask Yaakov and Rachel.