I never heard my father complain, even when treatment after treatment failed him. When every last vestige of comfort was taken away, when his vision started diminishing from new cancer that was cropping up behind his eye, he didn’t complain. The only distress I heard him express about his illness was that it prevented him from taking care of his mother, in the hands-on and completely dedicated way that he used to, and that it made it more difficult for him to learn Torah. This indeed caused him great anguish. I would hear him repeat to himself during the times when he felt most keenly the limitations of his illness: “This is from God, this is what I need to be doing right now, I have to strengthen my faith,” over and over again. Those thoughts strengthened his spirit and carried him through the depths of his pain.
Always To God
It was a particularly hard day. The kind of day where the sheer ringing of a cell phone was enough to make my father flinch. Where the constant battle my father waged, between the excruciating pain vs. the confusion of mind that the painkillers brought, left him no choice at all.
It was later that night, in the stillness of the room, that I finally broached the subject that had been bothering me for so long. For the words of my father were forever before me: “My children should never have any complaints against God.” No complaints. My father truly had none. And the last thing I wanted was to disappoint my father.
So I unburdened myself to him. And my father, whose love, faith and gratitude toward God was boundless, had the wisdom and generosity to let me work toward those goals at my own pace. I will never forget what he told me. ” I didn’t mean to put pressure on you. You can have questions. You can have complaints. Just turn to God with your questions. Not away. Always to God.”
That was the first night since my father’s illness that I had any semblance of peace. And these words carried me through the dark days still to come.
Over the next few weeks, every treatment attempted for my father failed. Even the palliative treatments did not seem to relieve his suffering. By the time he died, his cancer had spread from his toe to every single vital organ in his body. On March 12, 2013, his pure soul was returned to its Maker. The same God that had given me my most precious, extraordinary father, took him away.
I know that my father is finally at peace, that he is looking down on us, guiding us ever still. While we feel the pain of his absence every day, the light that he shone for us throughout his life can never be extinguished. And I know exactly what he would say:
“No complaints.”
Melanoma can often be detected early, when it is most likely to be cured. Monthly skin self-exams and awareness of the warning signs of melanomas are the best prevention strategies. To learn more about melanoma, please click here: http://www.melanoma.org.