As a psychologist and a child of a Holocaust survivor, I’ve had ample time to reflect on trauma and anxiety and their multigenerational effects. Trauma is extremely widespread among the Jewish people – not only from the Holocaust but also from two millennia of persecution and antisemitism.
Given this background, the events of the past year have had a particularly jarring effect on Jews around the world. We might have known that danger was always possible, but it didn’t feel like a pressing threat. Then came October 7. Suddenly, nowhere felt safe, and the future was uncertain.
What should we do to cope with the tragedies we see, the dangers that family and friends face in Israel, and the increasing threats in America, all combined with the ghosts of the past?
Here are three methods to help buffer the tremendous stresses we face during these troubled times – and to give an increased sense of hope for those who are struggling.
- Write your story. In a famous study conducted by psychologist James Pennebaker, participants were asked to write about their most traumatic experience for 15 minutes a day on four successive days. The participants were stunned how deeply moved they were from this simple exercise – many to the point of tears. A surprising result of this exercise was that, compared to the control group, participants made significantly less visits to the doctor in the months that followed. Follow-up studies using this model revealed other beneficial outcomes, including:
- Decreased anxiety, blood pressure, depression, muscle tension, pain and stress.
- Enhanced lung and immune function.
- Improved memory, sleep quality and social life.
- Higher grades and work performance.
How could such a simple exercise result in such profound changes? I don’t think the cause is as mysterious as it may seem. I believe it is a simple outcome of putting things in order in the mind. The mind has to constantly contend with and manage emotions, memories, fantasies and worries. Under normal circumstances, we are fairly good at keeping our thoughts in some rational order. However, traumatic experiences shock our system so much that we are unable to process our mental reactions in a way that brings us back to a state of peacefulness and calm.
Enter the power of a story. When we write about an experience, we have to choose to express what came first and what came next. We force ourselves to translate into words our painful emotions and experiences. We reflect on what happened and how it changed us, thus helping us to distinguish what is external and what is internal. It is not surprising that the word sofer, a scribe, has the same root as the word for counting, sippur. Both the writer and the accountant have something in common: they take a messy mound of information and organize it so that it becomes comprehensible and manageable.
Given these observations, I highly recommend such writing exercises to people who are struggling with pain, confusion and fear related to the past year’s events. As Pennebaker’s research indicated, you may experience significant emotional release after even just a few writing sessions.
2. Come together with your community. Trauma is an isolating experience. The reason for this is that the overwhelming internal reactions to trauma make us have difficulty communicating our experience or connecting to other people. Everyone’s personal experience with trauma is a little different, and the traumatized individual is often at a loss for how others could understand their unique suffering.
Unfortunately, what the traumatized person often needs most of all is the care and compassion of another person who may not be able to fully understand, but who at least wants to understand. Friends and family often feel at a loss for how to deal with the enormity of another’s trauma. That is because these people assume the trauma is something that can be fixed. But trauma can’t be fixed; it can only be lived through, and one of the ways to help another person live through that experience is to be present and listen to them. Listening could be hearing what they have to say. But it also could be just sitting with them, being with them, in silence, tears, etcetera.
Of course, community is more than talking. Community is the myriad ways that we can be together and feel like we are joined for a common cause. This can include attendance at shul, learning Torah with others, or just friends getting together to appreciate each other.
3. Find meaning in your life. In his best-selling book “Man’s Search for Meaning,” Victor Frankl quotes Nietzsche: “Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how’.”
Frankl believed that people experience mental illness, and falter and despair in life principally because they do not have a meaning to sustain them. As evidence for his theory, he brought his own experience in concentration camps during the Second World War. He observed that prisoners who maintained more of a sense of meaning in their lives were psychologically and physically stronger through that harrowing experience, as compared to those who were not connected to a meaning. That meaning could include trying to draw on the more noble, generous aspects of themselves; being aware of the beauty of nature; or thinking about the people they loved and striving to survive of the sake of those loved ones.
We, the Jewish people, are the experts of meaning-making. We rarely see just a thing itself but are constantly driven to understand what brought that thing about, what it is connected to, and what does it represent. Seeing things from a religious perspective brings that whole process of meaning-making to a new level. Ultimately, the religious Jew draws his meaning from his connection to Hashem and the desire to serve Him. The way we serve Him is by trying to understand our tafkid, our purpose, in life. We each have a purpose, but also families, communities, and nations have a purpose.
In the wake of all the loss, trauma and pain of the past year, we must ask ourselves: What does Hashem want from us, individually, and from our family, our community and our nation? Reflect on this question within yourself. Discuss it with family and friends and come up with tangible answers: tzedakah, advocacy, turning more to Hashem, showing more respect for each other, less distractions by petty things/time wasters, taking the time to really hear and tend to those who are most important to us, or inviting a lonely community member into our home.
These are just a few of the meanings we can pursue. It is precisely these meanings that can give us the strength to heal and prevail during these challenging times.
