“A person betrayed is capable of anything,” said Rav Nahari. “All he feels is the wrong done to him, not the humanity of the person who has wronged him.”
Rabbi Grylak told Rav Nahari of what he recently heard about Rav Shteinman. A number of important rabbanim came to protest that Rav Shteinman did not object to a Nahal Haredi army unit for young men who were already OTD and on the streets.
“Rav Shteinman asked one of these rabbanim if anyone had come to him yet to ask him to daven that their son should die. ‘This week, 15 fathers came to me with this request regarding their sons who had gone completely off the derech.’ ”
That’s how far shame and betrayal can go – that a parent tosses out his child like useless garbage.
Rav Yosef Dov Soloveitchik, zt”l, explains that Avraham was commanded to sacrifice Yitzchak only after his name was changed from Avram. What is the significance of a mere letter hei to the name? How does that help us understand the Akeida?
In fact, the Rav taught, that hei is the lesson of the Akeida. Prior to the name change, parenthood was a natural state. The drive to reproduce is instinctual to all creatures, man, animal, even insect. Animals, like man, even care for and nurture their offspring. The addition of the hei proclaimed to the world that there is now a new kind of father in the world – a teaching father, whose role and mission is not merely the physical well-being of his child but also its spiritual and psychological well-being.
The Torah considers children as God’s greatest gift. When given such a gift, there are certain expectations. The child does not belong to his or her family simply by sharing a family name, or because of the catered bris, or a layette delivered with great fanfare from a fancy store. Yes, parents are given the child. But in loving and raising their child they must “reacquire” the child.
Like Avraham, all parents have to show they are worthy of the gift.
Hashem does not demand an Akeida from each of us, but He surely demands that, first and foremost, we love our children without rationalization, reservation, or pre-condition. Our love cannot be conditional on our children being “healthy” or “intelligent” or frum or on not being OTD.
Being a biological parent is not enough. We must also be abbas and imas, daddies and mommies. We must be loving, caring, listening and attuned. Avraham was commanded to take his son, his only son, the one he loved, to the mountain. There must be love, otherwise he is not your son.
If you do not love your children, you can pretend to be frum and ehrlich and you can wear your frumme begadim while asking the gadol haDor to daven that your son should die. But then you are the one who is off the derech.
Frustration? Yes. Anguish? Absolutely. Fear? Undoubtedly. But hate? Never.
Does the parent of a child with Down Syndrome throw that child to the curbside? Does the parent whose child is sick with cancer say, “This is not the child I wanted” and turn his back on him? Don’t you think those parents feel fear, confusion and helplessness as well?
Having a child in need does not give you the right to abandon him. It only gives you the right to love her more.
Rabbi Mordechai Kamenetzky recently shared a powerful story in his Ami column. Rav Aryeh Levin, zt”l was standing outside his yeshiva, watching as the students were on a short break. His son, Rav Chaim, a teacher in the yeshiva, was standing next to him. The father turned to the son and asked, “What do you see, my son?”