Question: My husband and I are Ashkenazi, yet my children go to school with Sefardim. My son came home and said that only my husband is to light the Chanukah candles. In my parent’s home, we all lit our own candles on Chanukah to celebrate the great miracle that saved our people for all future generations. Who is correct?
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Synopsis: Perek Ba’meh Madlikin in Gemara (Shabbos 21b) refers to ner ish u’beito when teaching the requirements about lighting candles for Chanukah. Rambam (Hilchot Chanukah 4:1-2) rules that each night every member of the household lights a candle[s] corresponding to the proper number of that night, adding, This is the custom in all our cities in Sefarad. Taz (Orach Chayyim 671:sk1) points out that the Mechaber (Orach Chayyim 671:2) rules for the Sefardim according to Tosafot (the chachmei Ashkenaz), and the Rema rules according to the Rambam (the chacham of Sefarad). Indeed, today this is the minhag, as practiced by Sefardim: Only one person lights in the household. Ashkenazim, on the other hand, have everyone light. In light of the Rambam’s statement attesting to practice in Sefarad (that all household members light), this presents great perplexity for that community’s practice, unless Sefarad means Spain, not all of Sephardic Jewry.
Answer: In the Torah portion of Vayeshev, the verse states, (Genesis 37:10): “And he [Joseph] told his father and his brothers [his dreams] and his father [Jacob] scolded him saying what is this dream of yours, would it be that I, your mother and your brothers will come to prostrate ourselves before you?” Jacob in so responding wished to quell the enmity of the brothers to Joseph; thus, his statement implied that such a dream included an impossibility – the moon representing Rachel who had already died. Rashi (ad loc.) notes that hidden from Jacob was the fact that Joseph was not referring to Rachel but rather to Bilhah, who upon Rachel’s death had reared him.
We find further in Vayigash that the verse states (Genesis 46:26): “All the souls of Jacob who came to Egypt, the issue of his loins, aside from the wives of the sons of Jacob were 66, and Joseph’s sons who were born to him in Egypt, two souls, so all the souls of Jacob’s household who came to Egypt, were seventy.
There are numerous views reconciling how the total of 70 is arrived at, since a simple mathematical calculation arrives at only 69. Rashi seems to maintain that the number includes Yocheved, who was born at the border of Egypt. Ibn Ezra offers the view that Jacob is included in the number of his descendants, while Rosh simply reasons that at times the Torah rounds off a number.
Now comes the question, “why must the Torah state, ‘…aside from the wives of the sons of Jacob..?’” If the verse only includes his descendants, what need is there to make mention of his daughters-in-law? The answer might lie in an earlier verse in parshat Vayeshev (Genesis 37:35): “All his [Jacob] son’s and all his daughters arose to comfort him…” Who are these daughters? The Torah only mentions one, Dinah. The Midrash (Tanchuma and Bereishit Rabbah ad. loc) cites a dispute between two Sages. R. Yehuda was of the view that they were the twin girl born with each of his sons. R. Nechemia held the view that they were his daughters-in-law, and that a person does not refrain from referring to his daughter-in-law as if she were his daughter. On the one hand, if they are indeed his daughters, why in Vayigash are they not listed in the count? Also, why does the verse go to the extent of mentioning their existence and then specifically eliminating them?
The answer must be as the Gemara (Ketubot 66a) states: ishto k’gufo – a wife is considered part of her husband; the two are like one. That is the point the Torah is specifically stating. A proof to this is found in parshat Yitro [the text of the Sabbath morning Kiddush] (Exodus 20:8-11): Remember the Sabbath day to sanctify it. Six days shall you toil and accomplish all your work but on the seventh day it shall be the Sabbath to Hashem, your G-d, you shall not do any work – you, your son, your daughter, your manservant, your maidservant, your animal, and your convert within your gates…” Noticeably missing is “your wife”; is it then possible that she is not included in this prohibition? No, the answer is that the husband and wife are one unit.
Thus, we understand that Bilha was included with the household of Jacob and descended to Egypt just like the wives of the Tribes, as she was a wife of Jacob. In this way, Joseph’s dream would indeed come to fruition, as Rashi states.
Now we may understand Rambam’s view that every person lights in the household; it was understood that what our Sages meant when they said ner ish u’beito was that this only relates to his and his wife’s requirement, but other household members should light as well. Indeed, the halacha (Magen Avraham, Orach Chayyim 675) is that if the husband is away from home [traveling out of town] the wife lights, and she discharges his obligation. The mitzvah of the Sabbath candles is the opposite – it is incumbent on both wife and husband yet she is the one who lights, but if she is unavailable the husband would light.
Today, the custom for bnei Ashkenaz is that all members of the household light, while among the bnei Sefarad only one person lights.
May you have much nachat from your children as you train them in the derech Hashem and may we all have a lichtig (light, happy) and joyous Chanukah, a precursor of our speedy redemption.
