Question: My husband and I are frequent Shabbos guests at our children’s homes nearby (we eat the meal with them and return to our home after the meal). Where should I light Shabbos candles – in my home or in theirs?
Name Withheld
Answer: Rema (Orach Chayyim 263:10) cites the Or Zarua stating that the main purpose of lighting Sabbath candles is to provide light for the table, i.e., the dining room where one eats. He also cites the Mordechai (Perek Bameh Madlikin) that one should not light the candles in one place and transfer them to another place.
Rabbi Moshe Sternbuch (Teshuvot Ve’Hanhagot 2:154) was asked a similar question: When a husband and wife are invited for the Friday night meal, should the woman light candles where they are eating or light at home, where they are sleeping? Rabbi Sternbuch answered that if it is equally possible for her to light candles where they eat or where they sleep, it is preferable to light them where one eats, as in that manner the lighting is for the purpose of kavod Shabbat, honoring the Sabbath, and not merely for the purpose of pleasure.
Notwithstanding this preference, it is permissible for a woman to light candles in her home, where she will sleep. Rabbi Sternbuch seems to indicate that in such a circumstance, the candle-lighting will be in the bedroom. If she lights candles in the place where they sleep, his view is that since the main reason to light there is that they should not stumble or fall on any “wood or stone” (any items which might precipitate such a fall), she should first turn off the electric light (such as the overhead light or the table lamp) and turn it on again, and then kindle the Sabbath candles and recite the blessing. If she lights candles in the bedroom while the electric light is on, there is doubt as to what purpose the candles are serving (and the blessing might be considered a beracha l’vatalah, a blessing uttered in vain).
However, if one lights the candles in the room where one eats the Sabbath meal, a blessing is appropriate even if other lights are on, as adding lights enhances the honor of the Sabbath.
Rabbi Sternbuch cites a more stringent view – that even when one lights candles in the dining room, it is proper to first turn off the electric lights and immediately turn them on again, and then light the Sabbath candles and recite the blessing over both. In this manner one satisfies the strict view of the Mechaber (Orach Chayyim 263:8), who opines that in the event a light is already lit, any additional lighting would not be a reason to recite a blessing.
Rabbi Sternbuch adds: “Even as regards Rema (ad loc.), who in his glosses states that this rule does not apply to us [i.e., this is not the custom of Ashkenazic Jews], and as such we would make a blessing when we add lights – namely, the Sabbath candles – this applies only in the event that the existing light is candlelight; but if the existing light is electric light, which is as bright as daylight, even Rema would probably agree that one would not recite a blessing in that case.”
Rabbi Sternbuch also notes: “I have heard that the practice in the home of Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, zt”l, was that they would first turn off the electric light and then turn it on again before lighting the Sabbath candles.
“According to the strict letter of the law, there is no need to first turn off the electric lights in a room where one is to eat, because even though there are electric lights, kavod Shabbat is only accomplished with Sabbath candles.
“On the other hand, when a woman lights candles in the sleeping quarters, where the light only serves to save one from falling over any unseen obstacles, it is proper to first turn off the electric light and then turn it on again, as we stated above. That is, of course, provided the host/hostess of the place where they eat will be lighting candles and thus also fulfill the guests’ obligation of honoring the Sabbath.”
Rabbi Sternbuch relates that he heard of a yeshiva student who was often a Sabbath guest for his meals, but slept in the yeshiva dormitory, who asked the Chazon Ish, Rav Yeshaya Karelitz, zt”l, whether it was preferable to light candles in the place where one eats rather than where one sleeps. The Chazon Ish offered a solution: He should light candles in his sleeping quarters and recite the blessing, but eat some mezonot (baked goods) upon his return to the room at night.
To summarize: In a room where one eats, a blessing would be recited when lighting the candles even where electric lights are on. In a bedroom, however, a woman would be required to turn off the light and either request someone else to turn the electric light on again, or herself turn the light on again and then light the candles and recite the blessing. As far as lighting candles in her hosts’ house, the rule of ribbui neirot – an increase of candles that add to the kavod of Shabbat – should apply, which would allow her to recite a blessing even if other candles have already been lit.
(Next week – another view)
