Sadly, my beloved Uncle Yitz passed away last year. But throughout my life, everyone in the Staum family knew that Uncle Yitz was 38 years old, turning 39 on his birthday.
Uncle Yitz is my father’s older brother. He and my Aunt Chaya are blessed with many grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
In my youth I couldn’t quite figure out how it was possible for my father’s older brother to be 38, especially when my father became older than that, but I just assumed it was another one of those mysteries of life.
It’s happened more than once that someone has told Uncle Yitz that he looks quite old for his age.
In his later years, Uncle Yitz’s children well surpassed his age (though some of them may deny it…) and he even had grandchildren not too far behind.
In fact, Uncle Yitz had been turning 39 for over forty years.
I had been thinking about this for a few years, until I reached my own 39th birthday. After all these years I finally caught up to Uncle Yitz.
I recently was informed that the source of the never-getting-older-than-thirty-nine-years-old idea is not Uncle Yitz’s. It actually dates back to a Jewish fellow named Benjamin Kubelsky, who was the son of immigrants. During the early to mid-1900s he was known to the world as the popular comedian, Jack Benny.
It was well known that Jack Benny celebrated his thirty-ninth birthday every year. When Benny died in 1974, he had turned thirty-nine a total of forty-one times.
The question is why 39? If he wanted to be in denial about his age, why not choose 29 or 34?
The Mishna (Avos 5:21) tells us the significance of forty years old as being the age of wisdom.
At the end of their forty-year sojourn in the desert, Moshe tells Bnei Yisrael, “G-d did not grant you a heart of knowledge, and eyes that see, and ears that hear until this day” (Devarim 29:3). The Gemara (Avoda Zara 5b) understands from this verse that a person doesn’t fully grasp the depth of the lessons of his rebbe until forty years have elapsed.
Some commentaries explain that the arduous experiences of daily living help a person view life from a different perspective and vantage point. That allows him to understand the depth of the lessons his teachers sought to convey to him decades earlier, which in his callowness he may not have grasped, or was convinced that he knew better.
It seems that forty years old is a dividing line between adult youth and adult-adulthood. Often, we are too jaded or biased to properly contemplate the messages of life or to think about our mortality and the legacy we wish to leave behind. Turning forty seems to do wonders in helping cure those youthful illusions of immortality.
I think hitting 40 also gives you permission to drone on and on to the younger generation about how things were different back when you were a kid, and how kids today have no respect.
Added responsibility and wisdom are intimidating and anxiety provoking. No wonder Peter Pan never wanted to grow up. And no wonder Jack Benny never wanted to hit the big 4-0.
Meanwhile I’m going to enjoy my last year below the summit, but I do look forward to becoming wise.
I should conclude by noting that Uncle Yitz was always wise beyond his years and was always an inspiration to all of us. No one can quite tell a story or a joke like he did. He is the true personification of the word avuncular. It’s just so sad that he turned all white before forty.
It is tragic that he passed away so young. But he was thirty-eight years old for a long time. We miss him!
