The Gemara (62b-63a) relates that Rabbi Akiva and several other great Torah scholars left their homes shortly after they married to study Torah for a period of many years.
The Gemara (62a) notes that a Torah scholar should not leave his wife and stay away longer than a month. Thus it would seem that Rabbi Akiva and the other scholars were in violation of the Gemara’s rule. Indeed, Tosafos (62a, s.v. “Ela orcha…”) asks: Why did these scholars leave for extended periods of time showing no concern for whether their wives agreed or not?
They answer that these Torah scholars knew their wives wanted them to study Torah since they were exceedingly pious women who married their husbands with the intention that they would leave their homes to study Torah (see Ritva ad loc.).
Torasan Umanusan
The Rabad (cited by the Rosh) distinguishes between an ordinary Torah scholar and one whose sole pursuit is Torah study and who never wastes a moment.
The Rabad agrees with Rashi that a one-month limit applies even to Torah scholars but asserts that it does not apply to Torah scholars engrossed in Torah study like Rabbi Akiva and the other great Torah scholars mentioned in the Gemara.
Permission Granted
The Ra’ah (ad loc.) explains that the Gemara limits the leave to one month when the husband does not specify how long he will be gone. But these Torah scholars specified how long they would be gone.
A Wife’s Anguish
The Gemara (62b) relates the case of a Torah scholar who failed to arrive home at the designated time, thus causing his wife great anguish. Because he caused his wife anguish and she was reduced to tears, the scholar was severely punished and died prematurely. Thus, a person must be mindful of the fact that even if he is justified in leaving home for an extended period of time to study Torah, it is a terrible sin to cause his wife distress by arriving home late.
The Rule Does Not Apply
According to the Ri (Tosafos, s.v. “Elah urcha…”) the above incident is unusual. Furthermore, he asserts, the rules apply to ordinary laborers, not Torah scholars.
The Chasam Sofer (Responsa, Yoreh De’ah 149) explains that we can assume that a wife understand the significance of Torah study and is delighted that her husband wants to become a Torah scholar. In fact, the Chasam Sofer infers from the text of the Rambam (Hilchos Ishus 14:2) that a man who worked as a laborer when he got married is permitted to change his occupation and become a talmid chacham without his wife’s consent even though she would be deprived of his company for longer periods of time (see the Gemara, 62b, “Chammar ve’na’aseh gammal”).
The Chasam Sofer explains that we assume that at the time of their marriage the wife was willing to sacrifice some of her personal comfort so that her husband could study Torah. Thus, they got married with the unspoken stipulation that the husband has the right to become a talmid chacham. Therefore, Rambam is of the opinion that the wife cannot later change her mind and prevent her husband from studying Torah.