Sorrow And Joy
‘Proclaim Your Troubles So Your Friends Pray For You’
(Niddah 66a)
Our Gemara notes that a woman can become tamei immediately after she immerses. R. Yochanan suggests that such a woman tell her friends about her difficulty so that they pray for mercy on her behalf.
The Jewish people collectively are like a menstruant woman; the glory of our city, the Beis HaMikdash, remains destroyed. And since we are in mourning for the Beis HaMikdash, Chazal enacted that chassanim not to don crowns and brides not wear gold or silver crowns (infra, 61b)
‘Mazal Tov‘ at a Chupah?
Another custom by which we recall the destruction of the Beis HaMikdash is breaking a glass at a chuppah (Kolbo, cited by the Rema in Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chayim 560:2). Nowadays, the audience shouts, “Mazal Tov!” immediately after the glass is broken. Some Torah authorities, though, regard this custom disapprovingly. The Sdei Chemed (Yoreh De’ah, ma’areches zayin, os 12): writes:
“Now, for many of the ignorant, mourning has become a joy and when the glass is broken, they laugh aloud and cry out, ‘Mazal Tov.’ They don’t know that where there’s joy, there should be trembling to remember the destruction of our Temple, and what is this joy doing here?”
The author of Shulchan HaEzer (II, p. 3) tries to justify this custom, arguing that it stems from the wish to end the chuppah with good mazal – hence, “Mazal Tov.” Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, zt”l, suggested that once the memory of the destruction of the Temple and Yerushalayim have been mentioned, perhaps it is permitted to observe the mitzvah of rejoicing with the groom and bride. He said, though, that he has yet to properly understand the custom of crying out “Mazal Tov” at the end of the chuppah (Yismach Lev, p. 159).
The Vilna Gaon (Beiur HaGra on Shulchan Aruch, ibid) offers a reason for this custom that is unrelated to mourning. He argues that a glass is broken so that attendants not be too joyful and appear rebellious. As a source for this explanation, he quotes the Gemara (Berachos 31a), which states that an amora broke an expensive glass when he saw excessive rejoicing at a party. Commenting on the Gemara, Tosefos states (s.v. “Aisi“), “From here they have the custom to break a glass at a wedding.”
According to the Vilna Gaon’s explanation, the custom of shouting, “Mazal Tov” after breaking a glass is less problematic since the glass breaking has nothing to do with mourning.
Returning to our Gemara: Perhaps we break a glass so that everyone in attendance at the wedding will pray for the Jewish nation, bereft of a Beis HaMikdash, which at so solemn an occasion they will surely do. And then, after these tefillos, which will surely help, we turn to the mitzvah at hand (simchas chason v’kallah) and exclaim, “Mazal Tov!”