If one is a very poor faster (say, gets ill from it and is forced into bed (but is not in any danger)), how should they think about their avodah/connection to Hashem on Yom Kippur?
A story is told about Rabbi Yisroel Salanter. One Yom Kippur night, he did not show up in shul for Kol Nidrei. Distressed, the community sent a messenger to his home to check on him but Reb Yisroel’s home was empty. On his way back to shul, the messenger noticed the rabbi through the window. He was rocking a baby. The messenger rushed to the door and began to bang furiously. Quickly, the rabbi came to the door. “Shush! I just got the baby to sleep.”
“Rebbe, what are you doing here? The whole community is waiting for you!”
“Yes, I know, but on my way to shul I heard this baby crying. His family must have gone to shul for Kol Nidrei so I decided to stay with him to calm him down. How could I go daven while he was crying?” (Twersky on the Machzor, p. 52).
It is a little surprising that a family would leave a baby home alone, though I admit complete ignorance as to social norms in this matter in that time and place. But let us leave that as a question mark for now and ask a different question: how did Rabbi Salanter come to the decision that he should stay with that baby instead of going to shul? After all, davening in shul with a minyan is very important and most especially so on Yom Kippur. This goes double for the rabbi, as the community is waiting for him. Yet, Rabbi Salanter thought it more pressing to calm a child to sleep. What was his thinking? While we might argue that it was a matter of life and death, we may just as easily argue there was no danger at all. After all, Rabbi Salanter did not say, “How could I leave this baby in danger.” He said, “How could I go daven while he was crying?” So he stayed with the baby because the boy was sad and not because there was some kind of danger involved. So how did he come to that conclusion?
In truth, the matter is a rather simple one. What motivates the rabbi to go to shul on Yom Kippur? Mostly the same things as all of us. We go for atonement, to pray, to be there with our family members, to contribute to the community with our presence, prayers, and spirituality. Ultimately, we might boil this down a little bit more. Why do we need to go and pray? Why do we need to be there with and for our family and community members? At this point, we must respond with something like, “this is what G-d demands of me”; “this is how He wants me to worship Him”; “this is the right thing to do”; “this is how I will improve myself and the world.” All in all, those are pretty much all the same thing and amount to the same thing. Usually, when we think of responding to G-d’s commands on Yom Kippur – or of doing the right thing or improving ourselves – we correctly think of going to shul and partaking in the communal nature of the day. But this is not always true. Sometimes we are in a hospital room or a room at home with someone who needs us. Sometimes we are simply too ill to go to shul when we fast. Whatever the case, we know that the most important thing is doing the right thing, accepting and fulfilling G-d’s commands and commandments, working on ourselves by adopting the guidance of Torah and halacha. And this is what we should think if we have to stay home on Yom Kippur, as all of us must do at some point. We should think exactly the same thing that we think about everything else:
- This is what G-d demands of me.
- This is how He wants me to serve Him.
- This is the right thing to do.
- This is how I will improve myself and the world.
And that’s all that matters.
Rabbi Yitzchak Sprung is the Rabbi of United Orthodox Synagogues in Houston, Texas (UOS). Visit his Facebook page or UOSH.org to learn about his amazing community. Find Rabbi Sprung’s podcast, the Parsha Pick-Me-Up, wherever you listen to your podcasts.
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One of my favorite stories that my rebbe told was when he was asked to speak with a young Jewish man from South America who had gone to the Far East and felt he discovered the “Great White Light.” He was back in Israel trying to discover if Judaism contained the spirituality he found over there.
He sat in front of my rebbe and said, “I want to experience G-d with you.”
My rebbe replied, “OK.” The young man waited a bit but my rebbe just sat there.
Perplexed, the young man repeated his request, “I want to experience G-d with you”.
Again, my rebbe said, “OK,” and sat there.
This happened again and my rebbe replied with a slightly louder tone, “OKAY!”
This beautifully illustrates the Jewish perspective on spirituality. If you recognize that you are in the presence of Hashem and that every moment is ripe with revelation and relationship with Hashem, then you can experience G-d no matter what’s happening.
Of course, it’s far easier to connect to Hashem when you are hearing a rousing shmooze at Neilah and crying out the Yud Gimmel Middos with everyone in shul, than to do this in bed and feeling lousy – but it’s profoundly spiritual if you can achieve this on any level.
One more mashal – this one from Rav Shmuel Eisenblatt. Let’s say your job is to salt the king’s food. There’s a royal banquet in motion and you are about to salt the cooked dishes just the way the king likes it. Suddenly a messenger comes in and says, the king doesn’t want salt on his food tonight. Would you even think of insisting on salting his food because this is your normal role?
Yom Kippur is the last time we will proclaim Avinu Malkeinu in this period of the Yamim Noraim. If our King wants us to serve Him lying in bed with a headache (chas v’shalom) then we should realize that this sublime understanding of Hashem’s involvement in every aspect of our lives is what makes us unique and we should keep in mind that He’s our father and for sure knows what’s best for our lives.
If one does find themselves at risk of such a Yom Kippur, they can contact me and I will share with them multiple extra mitzvos they can fulfill. For now, they should have in mind ahavas Hashem b’kol me’odech – loving Hashem with everything. He measures out – whether obvious good or ultimate good (Devarim 6:5; see Rashi there).
Rabbi Asher Baruch Wegbreit is an author of four sefarim and the founder of Kavana L’Mitzvos Foundation (www.kavanalmitzvos.com), an initiative offering tools, at no cost, for deepening our connection to Hashem. RabbiWegbreit@gmail.com.
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When encountering any difficulty fasting it is best to review the Mechaber (Orach Chayyim 618). In this case, let’s say we’re dealing with a person who has a terrible headache or other extreme physical discomfort that would cause one to literally fall into bed.
I am reminded of the following I heard from Rabbi Shimon Schwab, zt”l, late rav of Kahal Adath Jeshurun in Washington Heights, N.Y.
When he was a student in the Mirrer Yeshiva in the city of Mir in Belarus, He and the other foreign students (he from England; others from America, etc,) would have their weekly spending money wired to them. Until their money arrived they would go to Rabbi Yechezkel Levenstein, zt”l, the famed Mirrer masgiach who would provide them with short-term funds.
The first time young Shimon went to the mashgiach for a loan until his funds arrived, Reb Chatzkel readily handed him the sum in question, whereupon Shimon thanked him. The mashgiach was quick to admonish him: “Men tor nit dos is ribbis devarim” – to thank me is forbidden, as this constitutes paying me interest via speech. (Reb Chatzkel evidently held to a very high standard in these matters.)
The following week Shimon again approached the mashgiach with same request, and as he was handed the money he quickly turned away to leave. The mashgiach began to reprimand him. The young man responded, “But the mashgiach said I was not allowed to thank him.” To which the mashgiach admonished him: “Uber, mir darft vizen az men vil uber men tor nit” – but you must at least show that you wish to do so, even though it is forbidden.
Reb Chatzkel wished to impart that even when one does not have the ability to show appreciation to his fellow, he nevertheless must show that the desire to do so is there.
Analogous to our situation, one who can’t be in shul must speak to Hashem and say with all his heart, “I want to be with congregation in your presence, however my condition does not allow such to be.”
Still, even from home if at all possible one should attempt to pray all five tefillos – Maariv, Shacharis, Musaf, Mincha and Ne’ilah – even if in bed. All the Ribono Shel Olam seeks from us is that we do what we can to the best of our ability. He will do the rest.
Rabbi Yaakov Klass, rav of Congregation K’hal Bnei Matisyahu, Flatbush, Brooklyn; is Torah Editor of The Jewish Press; he also serves as chairman of the Presidium of the Rabbinical Alliance of America. He can be contacted at yklass@jewishpress.com and Rabbi@igud.us.