Bava Basra 42
Our Gemara on amud beis makes a reference to a Torah discussion that apparently transpired while the participants were hiding out in a cave. Rav Yaakov Emden comments on this: You see how much they cherished Torah, that even under duress hiding out in fear, they engaged in study.
Torah scholarship is in many ways different than other intellectual pursuits. Art, music, science, and philosophy flourish with emotional, social, and financial stability. However, since Torah is also a spiritual endeavor, it derives its greatest strengths and power from a divine source. Physicality and materialism are inimical to spirituality, and obstruct and distract from divine flow.
Our Sages taught (Berachos 63b):
From where is it derived that matters of Torah are only retained by one who kills himself over it? As it is stated: “This is the Torah: When one dies in a tent” (Numbers 19:14); true Torah study demands the total devotion of one who is willing to dedicate his life in the tent of Torah.
Maor Eynayim (Chukas) and Arvei Nachal (Bereishis 5) both explain that the Gemara does not mean literally dying, nor does it mean general self-sacrifice. Rather, it means the killing off of self and ego in order to remove any biases, and be available to apprehend the full spiritual truth. This is why it uses the phrase “kills himself” instead of merely saying “dies over it.” This is a form of self-annihilation that allows for the rebirth of expanded consciousness and life.
And finally, looking at it on a psychological level, suffering and religious oppression can lead a person to appreciate and desire Torah even more. It is human nature that when something is taken away from us, we begin to appreciate it. A rather bizarre but compelling example takes place in the biblical narrative regarding the generation of the spies and their reaction to being sent back into the wilderness. Oddly, even though at first the Jews were rebelling, panicking, and refusing to accept Moshe’s encouragement and admonition that they absolutely had the ability to conquer the land of Israel, once G-d sent them back into exile and wandering, they had a change of heart. They said: “We are prepared to go up to the place that Hashem has spoken of, for we were wrong” (Bamidbar 14:41).
Now they were so resolute that they insisted on going into battle, despite Moshe’s warning that G-d was not with them and they would not succeed. When our enemies persecute us and try to take away our religious rights, that is when we first start to fight. May we merit the wisdom to appreciate our tradition and way of life without having to suffer oppression.
Being Good While You Are Bad
Bava Basra 43
Our Gemara on amud beis refers to the principle of ba’alav imo. Ordinarily the borrower of an object has full liability, even for unavoidable accidental losses with zero neglect on his part. However, if the owner was employed by the borrower in some form of labor at the time of the lending, then the borrower is exempt from liability.
The Ateres Yeshua on Parashas Mishpatim adds a symbolic meaning to this legal tort: G-d is the owner, and we are the borrower. Our souls are on loan from G-d and one day must be returned intact. Even when a person sins, if he keeps Hashem with him, he is not liable for certain “accidental” sins, even accidents due to our being overwhelmed by our base instincts.
This is also hinted at in the verse (Devarim 9:7): “You have continuously been rebellious with Hashem.” The word “with” can be understood literally. Instead of it meaning rebellious against Hashem, it could be rebellious while still being with Hashem. This is a religious concept that there is moral value in trying to keep close to G-d, even while sinning.
When one realizes he is sinning, there is a psychological urge to either rationalize the behavior, or deny obligation or connection to G-d. Variations on this theme include doubting G-d’s existence, or doubting the Torah obligation, or even, “I have sinned so much, G-d doesn’t care or hates me anyway.” All of these provide excuses that allow a person to hide from G-d. However, if a person is sinning and accepts that it is wrong because he is weak or flawed, and still is in dialogue with G-d, this maintains accountability and eventually can lead to repentance.
According to one version of the text in Berachos 63a, even a thief should pray to G-d for assistance while in the act of his burglary. (Compare Rashi’s interpretation ibid to Peri Tzaddik, Eikev 19.)
In the human context, anything that is meaningful occurs within a relationship. Moral sense and conviction also occur as an internal dialogue. According to the research conducted by Vigotsky, language development also occurs via an internal dialogue when people are thinking. If this dialogue is more than just an inner voice, but actually relational with G-d, it is all the more powerful.
I will add that we can add meaning to the following Torah precept in a different manner (Berachos 33a):
Rabbi Ḥanina said: “Everything is in the hands of Heaven, except for fear of Heaven.”
The simple meaning is that there are environmental and personal circumstances that we do not have control over, but we always can control our attitude and connection toward G-d. Based on what we saw above, perhaps it is even more subtle. There are times where we cannot help but to sin, and yet even at that time, it is in our hands whether to remain connected to G-d or not.
