To help prepare us for Tisha B’Av, we can look to some of the messages from the Kinnos. The theme of the second kinnah is about omitting a certain tefillah from our davening. Normally at the conclusion of Shabbos, we say a prayer beginning with the words Vehi No’am. However, when Tisha B’Av falls out on Saturday night, that tefillah is excluded. Why would that be? What is it about Vehi No’am that is inconsistent with Tisha B’Av?
One explanation is that Moshe Rabbeinu had composed the prayer of Vehi No’am as a blessing to Bnei Yisrael upon completion of the Mishkan, which was the prototype for the Beis HaMikdash. Therefore, it wouldn’t be proper to say this tefillah on the night that the Beis HaMikdash was destroyed.
But I’d like to suggest another explanation. One phrase in Vehi No’am says that “Hashem will send His angels to protect you.” This is referring to the weekday angels that join us at the conclusion of Shabbos. Normally we greet these weekday angels on motzaei Shabbos with the Vehi No’am prayer, just as we welcome the Shabbos angels on Friday night by singing Shalom Aleichem. However, we can’t do this on Tisha B’Av. We can’t greet these angels when the 9th of Av is Saturday night because there is a prohibition against offering a greeting on Tisha B’Av.
This restriction informs us as to the behavior that we should be practicing the rest of the year. The fact that we are barred from greeting people on this singular day lets us know that every other day we should acknowledge people that we encounter and address them warmly. Greeting others isn’t just a courtesy; it’s a way of telling people that you recognize their presence. You are demonstrating that you value them and affirm their worth.
The following story illustrates how a simple greeting can be life-saving. There was a woman who worked at a meat distribution factory. One day in the late afternoon she went into the meat freezer to inspect something. Somehow the door closed and she was locked inside. Although she screamed and knocked with all her might, no one could hear her from inside the freezer.
Five hours later, after the other workers had gone and the woman was on the verge of death, the security guard of the factory opened the door. The woman was miraculously saved from dying.
She asked the guard how he had come to open the freezer door, since that wasn’t his usual routine. He explained: “I’ve been working in this factory for 35 years, where hundreds of workers come in and out every day. Most people treat me as if I’m invisible. But you’re one of the few who greet me in the morning and say goodbye to me every evening. When you came in this morning you greeted me as you always do. But this evening, I realized that I hadn’t heard you say goodbye. I look forward to your morning and evening greetings every day because they remind me that I am someone worthwhile. By not hearing your farewell today, I thought that something might have happened. That’s why I went searching for you.”
In this story, the act of greeting someone literally saved a person’s life. But even if our greetings don’t have such a monumental effect, they can certainly uplift other people and increase their sense of connection to those around them. This is especially true when our greeting includes a smile and expresses genuine caring.
Rabbi Yochanan ben Zackai was meticulous in this middah, making sure that every person with whom he came in contact received a warm greeting. In fact, it is said about him that no one ever managed to greet him first.
Given the importance of greeting others, one might wonder why Tisha B’Av includes a prohibition against doing so. Wouldn’t you think that on Tisha B’Av, of all days, we should be sure to offer others a greeting?
One reason for abstaining from this social etiquette is that on Tisha B’Av we take on the practices of an aveil, since we are mourning the loss of the Beis HaMikdash. Just as a mourner would find a cheerful greeting to be out of touch with what he is experiencing, that is how we should feel on Tisha B’Av.
Another reason is that a greeting serves as an invitation to conversation. On Tisha B’Av we should be focused on our grief, rather than engaging in small talk with those around us. Without the greeting as an opener, conversation is discouraged.
There’s a side benefit to this halacha of barring greetings between people, in that it allows each of us to get a small taste of what it feels like to be ignored or excluded. Not offering a greeting fails to acknowledge the other person’s existence and strikes at the heart of the most basic of human needs: inclusion and social interaction. Perhaps this experience, however brief, can raise our sensitivity to the importance of greeting everyone we encounter. This sort of acknowledgement creates warm feelings between people which is the essence of ahavas Yisrael.
For more inspiration during the Nine Days, listen to Prof. Broder’s upcoming 2024 audio series, “Mourning with Meaning,” from the OU Women’s Initiative.
