A fundamental of humility, perhaps the most obvious, is not to speak about one’s achievements to others, unless there is a pressing reason to do so. As it says in Mishlei, “Let a stranger praise you and not your own mouth” (27:2). Although it is sometimes tempting to flaunt our accomplishments, it would be best to refrain from doing so. If there is anything that makes one deserving of being labeled conceited, it is bragging about oneself.
Rabbi Joseph Telushkin advises, “We should resolve that the next time we are at a social gathering we will not mention any personal achievement unless it is absolutely germane to the conversation.”
People who brag a lot about their accomplishments reveal a desperate need for recognition, admiration, and praise. Therefore, although braggarts come across as conceited, their boasting often reflects a low sense of self-regard. As Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe writes, “One who craves attention from others has not yet found himself; he is unaware of his true worth. Lacking self-esteem, he depends on the opinion of others. He hungers for their praise, for without their appreciation he feels worthless. When people fail to applaud him, he becomes hostile and angry.”
Another fundamental, as taught in Pirkei Avos (6:6), is to always cite sources. Not only is this the fair thing to do – for taking credit for someone else’s insight is a form of stealing – but it also serves as a reminder to each of us that our wisdom is built upon that of others. Interestingly, as a friend of a friend pointed out, Pirkei Avos does not record the name of the rabbi who made this observation.
This brings us to the obvious interface between humility and integrity. Here is an anecdote that would be humorous, if it would not be so pathetic. The book, Above the Bottom Line (Hanoch Teller, 1988), is a collection of true stories that portray integrity in monetary matters. For well over a year a translation of one of the book’s stories ran in a weekly Yiddish newspaper under the banner “Ehrlichkeit” without ever mentioning the author’s name or the book that they were taken from without permission.
Pirkei Avos (4:1) teaches that the person most worthy of honor is one who honors others. Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski comments, “The average person undoubtedly thinks that an honorable person is one who receives much honor, whereas the Torah’s attitude is the reverse: It is the one who gives honor.”
This approach is nicely portrayed in the story concerning the travel mates Reb Akiva Eiger and the Nesivos, who were in a wagon heading for the same town. These two rabbis were, respectively, none other than the gadol hador and arguably his greatest contemporary. A visit by two such prominent luminaries was not lost on the villagers, and they all scrubbed their faces and put on their yom tov finery as they waited at the edge of town so that they could greet their esteemed guests.
When the wagon drew near, the villagers concluded that they were about to be deprived of a rare opportunity. “Why should the horse have the privilege of pulling the scholars into town?” they wondered. They personally sought the privilege and ran toward the wagon and unhitched the horse.
Meanwhile, Reb Akiva Eiger and the Nesivos each saw a large crowd coming to greet the wagon. They were certain that the mob had come in honor of their colleague. The two scholars also reasoned, why should only the villagers have the privilege of shlepping a great rabbi over the town’s threshold; they would also like to participate in this honor.