Far be it from me to dish out mussar, and I am not even referring to my under-qualifications. Rather the issue is that people prefer not to be corrected, and the Chodesh Tov column has distinguished itself for never going after the solar plexus. And yet, and yet… maybe a few pointers from a well-meaning friend will not be resented.
Having expressed the caveat, let us begin to analyze in the next series of columns, please G-d, to what extent an outside influence can impact upon a person’s conduct, for the good or for the bad.
The Mishna teaches, “Woe to an evildoer, woe to his neighbor.” This is readily understandable; but the converse should also be obvious. “It is good for the righteous person, and good for his neighbor.”
Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, in his monumental You Shall Be Holy, writes that when moving into a new neighborhood, most are concerned about locating the ideal home. Judaism makes it abundantly clear that the character of the people who live in the neighborhood should be the only overriding concern.
If we are truly concerned about character, or derech eretz, or, as it is often referred to in Yiddish, mentschlichkeit, then we must also be chiefly concerned about our neighbors.
It is the people in our neighborhood that we and our children will interact with; the better their character; the more likely ours will improve. It is difficult, if not impossible, not to learn from and be influenced by our neighbors and those that we come into frequent contact with.
My friend pointed out that when people are hunting for a school for their first child they visit the preschool and pre 1A (as it is called in Brooklyn), but they neglect to look at the higher grades. Wouldn’t a concerned parent wish to investigate the school’s products?
To overseas parents who consult with me – as they often do – about which seminary to send their daughter in Israel, I always caution that more important than what the school is promising on recruitment night, and more important than what seminary the daughter’s friends will be attending, is to asses and investigate the seminary’s graduates.
These are women about to build homes and families, and whether the seminary places them for Shabbos, or serves warm meals for supper, are concerns that pale next to what are these young women absorbing during the most important year of their lives. A year infinitely more important than the year of 23-24, and 31-32. No other year will be as influential and consequential upon the development of the wives, mothers and leaders these women will become.
This is reminiscent of the point the Midrash makes regarding the joy surrounding the launching of a ship. There is fanfare and fanfaronades as bottles of champagne are broken across the bow. But the true celebration should be when the ship safely arrives in the harbor after a successful voyage.
Chodesh Tov – have a pleasant month!