Soon I came to a clearing which seemed the perfect spot to daven Shachris (so perfect I half expected to see a wooden plaque reading: Davenning area). Well I guess I only imagined all the tension had disappeared, because I soon was overtaken by a deep outpouring of emotion, begging for help in one of the issues I was grappling with through this period of time. It was one of those more authentic prayer experiences that come unbidden while trying to extricate oneself from some vice grip in life. I finished Shacharis, collected myself and continued on my way.
Hoping some music would help me keep a fast pace, I pulled out my MP3 only to retrieve the earphones – without the MP3. It had fallen somewhere, perhaps when I got out of the car, or anywhere on the trail up until now. I made a quick search of the area where I had davenned and then went back down the mountain, my eyes scanning the trail and the side grasses all the way back to the car. I did not want to lose this MP3, especially when it had some important recordings on it and because managing extra expenses was on my list of issues to be grappled with. I repeated the stretch of hike that I had done already in 20 minutes and admitted to defeat as I reached the clearing. Just as I faced my limits on this spot moments before, so again this dead end search brought me to reach beyond myself and pray. I managed some improvised version about how a person doesn’t see until Hashem opens his…There it is!…as I uttered the word “eyes.”
Sometimes we just have to ask.
And now I’m going to go memorize that exact passage—if only I could find where I put the book it’s in.
