Aware of the reality that my childbearing years were drawing to an end, and that I had not had a child for several years, I was davening earnestly for triplets. Leah Golumb was my davening model. After she was informed that her seriously worsening kidney condition proscribed another pregnancy, she begged and cried for another chance to have more children and expand her family from three kinderlach to six. Incredibly, and quite miraculously, for reasons only known to Hashem, after nine long months of shemiras hariyon, she did indeed rejoice at the brisim of their three full term baby boys.
I had the privilege of meeting Leah in person at a wedding of mutual friends. I had been already married for a few years and didn’t have any children yet, so of course I wanted to ask Leah “her secret.” How did she daven? How should I daven?
We were reintroduced and Leah warmly welcomed me to ask what was in my heart. Her genuine warmth and sweet loving smile overwhelmed me. She said that even remembered me from the brisim of her sons. Her apparent love made me begin to crying within moments.
She said, “First of all, you have to daven from a very broken place. And second, whenever you see a beggar in the street, don’t walk away from them, don’t ignore them or pretend you don’t see them. Give them something, even if you only have half a shekel. And if they give you a berachah, say Amen!”
Even though I knew that I wanted children, I didn’t know what I was missing, so I felt like it wasn’t possible for me to “daven from a broken place.” Leah, however, had three children when the doctor declared she shouldn’t have more. When she was given the chance, she knew what bringing a new neshamah into the world was all about, so she could cry and beg Hashem from that broken place.After we were blessed with our first child, then I knew what I was missing, and then I was able to cry from a broken place to be granted the gift of more children. I never forgot her answer.
In the years gone by that I had been facilitating a fertility support group. One of our speakers said that she had heard that it was considered assur for a woman (or for anyone!) to daven for something that could possibly endanger one’s life. A multiple pregnancy was considered complicated, or at least had the potential to be dangerous for both the mother and the babies, including problems with prematurity, low-birth rate, breathing difficulties, and delayed growth and development. I knew mothers of multiples who I’d met, interviewed, invited them to speak at our support group, wrote about their experiences in many articles. I was fully aware that some babies hadn’t thrived and had been in the hospital neonatal units for many months before they were well enough to be released. One such “squished” triplet who we knew had many development challenges and had been fostered by a loving family for nearly two decades. She was one of the most adorable, smiley, happy neshamos one could ever hope to meet. It was difficult for her to walk or function independently, but she spread her shiny light to all who cared for her.
Even so, what wouldn’t we endure for the possibility of having healthy children, as many as possible, to raise with love and hope and tears that they will become good Yidden who will give Hashem nachas? Hadn’t I already spent months in bed rest, in shemiras hariyon for twins? I was ready to devotedly eat over 4000 calories of nutritious food, drink 3 liters of water, and take the proper supplements every day so there would be plenty of essential nutrients, calories, and fluids for everyone to develop in good health.
“Yes Hashem, I’ll do it for You!!” I wept. “Please, please, please!!!”
“Okay Hashem, it’s ALL up to You,” I cried daily, hoping for one more chance, hoping for more children, for that beautiful number 10, a whole number, a number of shalaimus, of completion. Though we’d been warned that it was not appropriate, perhaps it was even assur to daven for something that could endanger our health, I thought that expecting multiples was possible with the right medical guidance. I certainly realized that it could be very physically difficult, but I was so willing!
My sincere personal prayer was, “Please Hashem, if You decide that it will be good for my health, and if You decide that it will be good for the babies, and if You decide that it will be good for our family, then please know that I am willing to be a shaliach for such a tremendous berachah. Whatever You decide Hashem, I know that Your decision will be the best one for everybody.”
Every day I prayed this request, hoping and hoping, crying and imagining in my mind and heart, two little baby boys and a sweet little baby girl. Little did I know that our 10 year old son was also davening the same sincere request, that we be blessed with triplets, two boys and a girl, just like my tefillah.
Why were we davka both being so specific in our tefillos? Because we both appreciated even numbers and we both appreciated keeping the boy/girl balance in our family. We both respected and wanted shalaimus.
Over a year later, when I discovered that I was actually expecting, my gratitude to Hashem was overwhelming. I could hardly believe it! Truthfully, though I thought it was inappropriate to feel this way, at first I was a bit disappointed that it wasn’t triplets. But my tefillah had always been that Hashem knew what was best for me, so now, this was His decision. I knew intellectually that it was better to be relieved and that I should be exceedingly grateful for His answer, after all He knows what’s best.
A month before our ben zekunim was born I heard incredible news. There was a couple in the next entrance of our building who I hadn’t seen for quite a while. She had been in shemiras hariyon. She had been married for sixteen years before they had their first child. Now, two years later, after 18 years of marriage, they were blessed with triplets! Two boys and a girl!
That evening, when the rest of our family heard the magnificent news about our neighbors, I told them my story. That is when our now 11 year old son told me that he had also been davening for us to have triplets, two boys and a girl. He had earnestly davened for these triplets and said, “Imma, these are “my babies!””
Yes, I called my neighbor to wish her a huge mazel tov and tell her how connected we felt to their extraordinary simchah. Our son was born a month later and as our children grew, they went to the same nursery and cheder.
Five years later, when my neighbor and I were sitting together at the first Chumash party of our youngest sons, I leaned over and emotionally reminded her how these were “our” boys.
And what did we learn from this experience? No tefillah is ever for naught.