The Omer mourning period always puzzles me. Why are we in a state of mourning for at least 32 days? We mourn for only a day on Tisha B’Av and other fast days. Why so long?
We are told that Rabbi Akiva’s students perished because they did not have enough respect one for another. What’s the big deal about respect?
Without respect, many things may happen between two people. They may not listen to one another. They may not even speak to one another. They may not even look at one another. They may not even think about one another. They may not help one another. They may even do harm to one another.
Think what the world would be like it we gave more respect to even one person. The more similar people seem to be, the more they find to argue about. The less we have in common, the less we care!
How could it be that the students of Rabbi Akiva, the same Rav who stated that “veahavta lere’acha kamocha – to love one’s neighbor as oneself” is a fundamental principle of the Torah,” erred in this very area?
Surely, if this was the issue that Rabbi Akiva chose to stress, his students would have internalized his message and acted accordingly. Rabbi Akiva realized that the focus of his teachings needed to be reevaluated. He came to the conclusion that the importance of the learning aspect of the torah and the worshiping of Hashem had been advocated at the expense of the “the laws between one another” aspects of the Torah.
He, therefore, decided to raise a new banner, that of love of one’s fellow man, in the hope that the balance would be shifted and in future generations respect between man and his friend would become commonplace.
A second idea is that Rabbi Akiva’s students did indeed internalize the principal so emphasized by their revered teacher. They did so to the extent that they created a sense of unity in their Bet Midrash such that the individual entity was all but lost. They acted as if they were one body in which the arm does not necessarily thank or demonstrate respect towards the leg. In other words, the concept of unity was taken too far. There existed a misunderstanding of the notion of “love ones neighbor as oneself” to the point where the uniqueness of each individual was swallowed up by the whole. In this sense, they didn’t respect one another. One should rejoice in their successes and lament in their failures. One should constantly hope that all those around us thrive and achieve whatever they themselves would hope for.
Our challenge, especially during these days of Sefirah between Passover and Shavuot, is to work on our affection and acceptance for others, to reach out in friendship to all and offer to share our beliefs and passions with them. Concurrent with this is an absolute obligation to acknowledge and accept people, no matter their reaction, and to maintain that friendship and respect. We can start by focusing on a single person. We can greet him with a smile and call out his name. We can ask how he is doing. We can ask for his opinions and advice. We can thank him for the good he has done. We can recognize his special interests and abilities. We can humbly say we are sorry for not giving him more of our attention. It takes time to show more respect. It is an ongoing process, a soul-searching process, not something that happens overnight. We have these 32 days of mourning during the Omer to dwell on this. It may not be clear why we mourn for more than a month, but we may benefit from it.
Like Rabbi Akiva’s students, we can study Torah with someone new, and we can become friends. Hillel says: “Be of the disciplines of Aaron, loving peace and pursuing peace, loving your fellow creatures and drawing them near to the Torah.”
The Chasam Sofer writes that the students of Rabbi Akiva died during the 49 day time period because they were lacking in one specific quality of the 48 listed that is to be perfected : loving G-d’s creatures. Why did this particular quality have such a terrible impact? Being that the only way one can even dream of reaching completeness in the 48 qualities and thereby acquiring Torah is through the assistance of another, if there is a lack of cooperation, Torah will never be acquired. Only when one freely loves his brother and exhibits care for his fellow Jew can one possibly acquire Torah.
For one thing, we must be sure to take the necessary actions during the Sefira period so that we are prepared to accept the Torah on Shavuot. Also, unless we exhibit love for our fellow Jew, we will never be able to be prepared to receive the Torah. Furthermore, we need our fellow Jew to help us acquire the Torah. May harmony pervade the nation of Israel so that we all learn together, so that we all compliment and supplement each other, and so that we will all be prepared to accept the Torah on Shavuos as it was accepted originally: with unity, love and respect, like one people, with one heart.