The month of Elul is an extraordinary time of opportunity and investment. Firstly, it is the last month of the year and we have a Talmudic rule that, “Hakol holeich achar hachasom – Everything is determined by the finale.” So, we can greatly upgrade the entire year of 5783 with enhanced behavior during this month. Furthermore, as the Chofetz Chaim, zt”l, zy”a, says in the Mishna Berurah to the preface of siman 581, our repentance is more favorably accepted during the month of Elul. This is because it was on Rosh Chodesh Elul that Moshe Rabbeinu went up to shomayim to achieve atonement for Klal Yisrael for the sin of the golden calf. Ever since then, this fabric of time is most suitable to achieve repentance.
The name Elul is of Babylonian origin. What does it mean? Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, zt”l, zy”a, reveals that when the posuk says, “V’yasuru es eretz Canaan – To investigate the land of Canaan,” the Targum Onkelos translates it in Aramaic as, “V’yalalun yas ara.” Thus, he says the word Elul, which is at the root of v’yalalun, means to investigate and to search. This, he concludes, is the ultimate task of Elul: To make a chesbon hanefesh, a personal accounting, to investigate all of our deeds to see what needs improvement.
The Chida and the Kaf HaChaim sing the praises of a man or a woman who takes the time and the honest effort to search their ways. They say that such a person receives the honorific of a morei d’chushbina, a master of reevaluation. This pursuit in itself achieves for one a great protection for, in Bereishis Rabbah, it teaches us that one who makes such an honest accounting will be protected from Divine judgment. As the Medrash says, “Im yeish din lamata, ein din l’mala,” meaning if we make a personal accounting below, then Hashem doesn’t need to inspect us from above.”
How does one go about making a cheshbon hanefesh? I like to recommend that one should start from the moment they wake up and go through their day systematically, from beginning to end. For example, one should start all the way at the beginning. What’s the first thing one does when opening up their eyes? Every good Jew should start their day with the declaration of, “Modeh ani lifonecha…” This praise deliberately omits Hashem’s Name so that we can proclaim it even before we wash negel vasser and our hands are yet still tomei. Unlike so many who wake up to hear what the Yankees did last night or where the Dow Jones is holding, our first thought is gratitude to Hashem. You’d be surprised how many Torah Jews are not in the habit to start their day this way. If you are remiss, don’t feel bad. This is just an opportunity to improve.
After all, all of us want the next year of 5784 not just to be another year but to be a better year. We want better health, better wealth, better friends, better shalom bayis, better, better, better! Hashem, Who loves us, surely wants to grant it to us. However, He expects us to tell Him how we are going to be better. After all, it’s only fair, if we want better, that we have to demonstrate concretely in what ways we are going to be better. So we make a cheshbon hanefesh to fashion a To-Do-Better list that we bring with us to Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur to make our case for a better new year.
After modeh ani, take a look at how we wash our hands and whether we are doing it correctly, liberally and up to the wrist, starting with the right hand and doing it alternately at least three times. We should clean our mouths in preparation of prayer, we wash our faces to polish the bust of Hashem, our tzelem Elokim, and to look pleasant for Hashem, our spouse, and our fellow man. Are we careful to make the al netilas yada’im, asher yotzar and Elokai neshama after that? Then, we’re on to say reishis chochma, to make the bracha on our tallis katan, then to greet our spouse lovingly or, if they’re still sleeping, not to wake them up. Do we look at, or kiss our bedroom mezuzah meaningfully when we exit to start our day? If we have a coffee, do we say a shehakol and borei nefashos meaningfully and thankfully?
As we go to shul, do we try to come to a minyan where we could say the entire davening or do we come in the middle to cut corners and cut out as quickly as possible? Do we wrap ourselves in our tallis having in mind that we would really like to perform all the 613 mitzvos, for tzitzis is the equivalent of all 613? When we put on our tefillin, do we think about Hashem’s outstretched arm in Egypt? Do we remember its subliminal message, that we should learn Torah today? Do we bind our heart and our mind in loyal service to Hashem? Do we say our prayers with the thought that they really can make a difference on whether we succeed or fail at our daily pursuits? When we leave shul and go out into the world, are we on the lookout for opportunities to make a Kiddush Hashem? Are we practicing our craft with honesty and integrity? This is the way that we should go through the rest of our day until Krias Shema al hamitah and the bracha of hamapil.
In the merit of making an honest and blunt cheshbon hanefesh and following up with improvement, may Hashem bless us all with long life, good health, and everything wonderful.
Transcribed and edited by Shelley Zeitlin.
