As we approach Yom Kippur, I want to share with my dear readers some last-minute strategies that I believe can make a very significant difference for the coming year.
The first is to remember that Hashem governs this world with the rule of middah k’neged middah – measure for measure. As the verse declares, “Hashem tzilcha al yad y’minecha – Hashem is your shadow upon your right hand.” This means that like a shadow, He mimics everything we do. Therefore, if we are forgiving, then He will be quick to forgive us. Indeed, that is one of the central concepts of Selichos. If we forgive, then He’ll forgive.
This is a permitted selfish strategy. We say to Hashem, “Let’s make a deal. I’ll forgive my spouse, my neighbor, my employer or employee, my child, my parent or my sibling. And I am ready to forgive them even though I know they will probably repeat the offense. In return, Hashem, please forgive me even though I will most assuredly slip up again.”
In the same spirit of middah k’neged middah, we should remember the timely advice of the Gemara: Kol hameracheim al habrios, merachamin alav min haShamayim – Whoever has mercy on his fellow man, Hashem will have mercy upon him in Heaven.” Therefore, it is an appropriate time to exercise our compassion to those who are in need, whether to assuage their loneliness, support them in their sickness, or encourage them as they struggle with their livelihood or in finding a mate.
We should also remember that as we ask Hashem for a healthy, tranquil new year, with plentiful sustenance and menuchos hanefesh – trouble-free living, the recipe to make such petitions more successful is to give Hashem a reason why He should grant our request. I’ve learned this formula from what it says in the Haggadah shel Pesach. Before we say the Mah Nishtana, the Haggadah gives us the instruction, “Kan haben sho’el – Here the son asks.” Duh! Who do you think should ask – the butler? The Gedolei Admorim explain, “Here is where you ask for a son.” What better way could there be to ask for a son than to say, “I want a son to ask Mah Nishtana.” So too, our petitions are more potent when we give Hashem a reason why He should give us a life of tranquility and untroubled health.
We say to Him, “Please, Hashem, I want to learn every day this year without missing even once the Daf Yomi of Seder Kedoshim as I march to finish Shas once again. I know You created this world specifically for the learning of Torah, so please enable me to do so without any impediments or distractions.” Or, beseech, “Hashem, I want to give more tzedakah this year. Can I have a bump in my livelihood so I can help my children more, or provide for my elderly parents? My wife has been wonderful. I want to be able to get her a nicer sheitel, some jewelry, or some pretty frocks. Help me please, Hashem, to accomplish these goals.” Or request earnestly, “I want to spend more time davening and learning. Please, Hashem, give me the financial ease to do just that!” This is the way to ask Hashem for what we need.
Here’s another powerful strategy. The pasuk says, “Keil emunah v’ein ovel – G-d is faithful, without injustice.” What does it mean that Hashem has no injustice? Isn’t that obvious? Chazal explain: Even if we deserve to be punished, if someone else needs us and they don’t deserve to lose us, we are safe. This is because Hashem will not do an injustice to the person who needs us by taking us away. Therefore, there is a tremendous protection in being needed by as many people as possible.
Therefore, when you are a key player in your shul, you are protecting yourself. When you are a vital member of your children’s schools, that role creates a terrific security. But most of all, this protection occurs when you are a good spouse, for Hashem is very loathe to break the set of husband and wife. Thus, when you are a good mate, you almost certainly win for yourself (when it is not your keitz) another lease on life because you are needed.
Finally, let’s remember the Talmudic advice, “Kol hamispalel al chaveiro v’hu tzarich l’oso davar, hu ne’eneh techila – Whoever prays for his friend (and certainly for his spouse) and he needs the same thing as well, he will be answered first.” So, let’s get in the habit of making our prayers more global.
Let me now take the opportunity to thank my readers for allowing me to share my Torah with you and let me wish you and yours a G’mar chasima tova – a seal for a sweet healthy year with everything wonderful.
Transcribed and edited by Shelley Zeitlin.