If this concept is true for people as great as the Avos, how much more so for us? The reality is that we humans are very sensitive; we hunger for approval and despise rejection. When you criticize me, it may not be your intention, but I feel unwanted and unaccepted. I feel you don’t approve of me, so I am not respected in your eyes. That emotion is very difficult to bear. The easiest course is for me to run away – away from the situation, and away from you. For that reason, criticism is poison to all relationships. As a parent, it is one of the most noxious elements that can ruin an otherwise strong relationship. As a spouse, it can be the wedge that drives apart an otherwise happily married couple. And among friends, it can be the force that ends an otherwise nurturing relationship.
For that reason, before a person sets out to criticize, he should remember the three cardinal rules of criticism. The first rule is: don’t do it. The second rule is: don’t do it. And the third rule is: don’t do it.
Don’t do it because it hurts. Don’t do it because it distances people. Most of all, don’t do it because it doesn’t work.
To view Rabbi Shafier’s parsha video click here.