Last week, we looked at twenty-six ways that our lives could change prior to Pesach because of our sincere pursuit of the chometz that is in our midst. The pursuit of chometz is a task that we can take into the rest of the year for, just as we purge the chometz from our homes, vehicles and offices, we can attempt to root out our yetzer hara, which is what chometz symbolizes!
So, let’s take a look at yet another twenty-six ways that we can work on ourselves throughout the year… starting today!
27) I will learn to happily part with my money for tzedakah, charity, recognizing that a kittel, a Jewish shroud, has no pockets and the only money we get to take with us to the next world is that which we give to help others!
28) I will take special care in eating kosher, making sure that I don’t simply rely on the fact that everyone else is eating this or that product!
29) I will make sure to hope daily for Moshiach and techiyas hameisim, the resurrection of the dead, utilizing the many prayers that we say about these wishes like Al kein nikaveh in Aleinu, Es tzemach in Shemoneh Esrei, and Kaddish, to name but a few.
30) I will fiercely pursue Shalom Bayis, marital harmony, knowing that it is the linchpin of insuring the Shechina in the home! And as Rav Chaim Vital has said, a person’s middos can be evaluated by how they treat their spouse!
31) I will try to never end the day before making up with my spouse, not wanting to go to sleep without the Shechina in the home.
32) I realize that humans are reciprocal in nature and I will try to initiate love and affection, caring and devotion in my marriage, knowing full well that the best way to get something is to give it!
33) Knowing that I will be asked in the next world if I made my spouse happy, I will make a list of ten things that I know would thrill my spouse and will set out to fulfill as many of those items as I can. (If you can’t list ten, start dating him or her again!)
34) I will learn the art of saying “I’m sorry,” showing that I empathize with the damage I’ve done and demonstrating that I’m making concrete corrections so that it won’t happen again. This is very different than the “But, I said I’m sorry already” approach!
35) When under tension, I will pay special attention to how I speak to my spouse, pausing an extra moment to remove the barb (shtuch) and sting from something I was about to say!
36) With my children, I’ll be ever mindful that the best “presents” I can give them is more of my presence!
37) Knowing how busy our lives are, I will be constantly be mindful that the best way to teach my children is by example. I’ll therefore try hard to be a role model for them especially at home, showing them how I practice communication, restraint, compromise, flexibility, forgiveness, etc.
38) I will try hard not to eye other women, thinking of what I say twice daily in the Shema, “V’lo sasuru acharei l’vavchem v’acharei eineichem,” or as a woman, I will try not to mindfully attract other men.
39) I will honor my parents exceedingly, realizing it is a barometer of my respect for Hashem! I will honor them while they are alive and send them packages when they are in the next world!
40) I will likewise show great respect to my in-laws, realizing that most of what is precious to me, my wife and children, is only because of them!
41) I will treat my sons-in-law and daughters in-law like royalty and in this way keep my children.
42) I will say the Shabbos Kiddush with the thoughts that Hashem created the world and that He took us out of Egypt to be His special people.
43) When eating the cholent and the liver, I will pause to reflect on my belief in Hashem, the Creator, and my gratitude to Him.
44) I will make sure that my family and I eat three meals on Shabbos, for this offers many important protections. I will likewise insist on the eating of the Melave Malka after Shabbos which sustains the indestructible luz bone, from which we will be resurrected.
45) I will be mindful of personal modesty even in the bathroom for it is a barometer of one’s awareness of Hashem, since He is the only One who sees me when I am there.
46) I will take my family to see Torah sages often, for the Torah teaches us that this is akin to greeting the Shechina (see Rashi in Parshas Ki Sisa).
47) I will bentch with intense concentration, taking out time to learn the bentching well, for the Chofetz Chaim tells us that one who bentches with kavanah will be assured a livelihood with dignity and plenty all the days of his life. I will avoid washing if I feel I won’t be able to concentrate on the bentching [Rav Segal of Manchester, zt”l, zy”a].
48) I will learn to pay attention to the great mitzvah of saying “amen,” having in mind that the blessing is true and may what it describes be fulfilled, when applicable.
49) I will try to acquire the great talent of silence, developing the expertise of not needing to answer back or have the last word. It is the trait of the righteous (Masechtas Eruvin) and will save one from many downfalls (Masechtas Sanhedrin).
50) I will try hard to learn humility, for our sages teach us it’s the most important of all traits! (cf. Masechtas Erchin [16b] and the third Tosafos in Masechtas Yevamos [103b]).
51) I will say Krias Shema al haMita and the blessing of hamapil nightly. This is so important for it ends off the day in the correct Jewish way and we know that much is determined by the end. And, I will have in mind that I’m sleeping to be able to serve Hashem better the next day. This converts the entire night’s sleep into a hechsher mitzvah.
52) I will never rest on my laurels but think about how I can change and improve myself EVERY day. To this end, I will always make a cheshbon hanefesh, a personal accounting, preferably every night, and at least once a week before Shabbos.
As mentioned last week, these are only samples of ways that we all could improve ourselves. Let us commit to continuous striving in our Yiddishkeit throughout the year and in that merit may Hashem bless us with long life, good health, and everything wonderful.
Transcribed and edited by Shelley Zeitlin.
