Last week, I introduced the idea that we can learn many life skills from the popular game of chess. So, let us continue.
When playing the game of chess properly, one doesn’t just “make a move.” One must have a plan. To make a move without a purpose is a waste of a tempo and a sure way to give an opponent the advantage. In the game of life this is certainly true. The successful Jew never coasts aimlessly through life. To the contrary, the smart person always has a plan and has goals.
Rav Avigdor Miller, zt”l, zy”a, says that on the seder night we have the Table of Contents, “Kadeish, ur’chatz, karpas, yachatz…,” to teach us that a Jew should have objectives plotted out and know at all times what his aims and goals are. It also teaches us that we should always do things meaningfully, from the berachos that we say to the tefillin that we put on. It should always be done with thoughtfulness.
Another great lesson is that the winning chess player doesn’t only think about his own plan of action. This is a recipe for disaster! While he is plotting a queen-side attack, he neglects to see that his opponent successfully has a mate in three on the king’s side of the board. The smart player always trains himself to think what the other person on the other side of the board is thinking about.
This is an oh so important lesson for marriage. Too often, one spouse only sees life from their own vantage point. They don’t stop to think how their partner is experiencing life. A good example of this is the wife who tells her husband that she wants to go out on motzei Shabbos. Her husband responds, “After a long Shabbos you want to go out?” He doesn’t stop to think that while he was out on Friday night for shul, Shabbos morning for Shacharis and again for Mincha and shalosh seudos, she was stuck in the house preparing, serving, and cleaning up, watching the children, and just starving to get outside a bit. The Mishna teaches, “Al tadin es chavercha ad shetagia bimkomo – Don’t judge your friend until you are in their shoes.” So, it is an important skill to be able to see things from the other person’s viewpoint.
Another great discipline of chess is the importance of looking at the whole board. How often does a novice fall into the trap of having his bishop snatched by a queen with a clear path from all the way on the other side of the board? Looking at the whole picture is extremely important in life. As it says, “Hevei dan es kol ha’adam l’kaf zchus – Train yourself to judge the whole person to the side of merit.” If you can look at the whole person you might discern that he’s out of work, or he has a child off the derech, which will change your perspective on how he is behaving.
The footmen of chess are the pawns. A feature of their mobility is that they can only move forward. They can never move back. Therefore, one must think carefully before advancing them. You can’t retreat if you are in trouble. This is a major lesson for life. Words spoken can never be fully rescinded. So, think carefully before saying something. Hurtful words can leave a lasting negative imprint upon the recipient.
Rav Avigdor Miller in his Ten Commandments of Marriage said, “Never tell your spouse that you want a divorce.” He considered this so important for once said, it punctures the security and the safety of the couple in a terrible way. This is also true when dating. Look before you leap! For marriage is a long-term investment for this world and the Next World.
In chess, the different pieces have different levels of strength. The pawn is worth one point for it has the most limited range. The bishop is worth three points. It commands a full diagonal, both backwards and forwards, but can never go on the other color. The rook is five points because, in a vertical and horizontal way, it controls both colors. The queen is worth the most points, a full nine, for it can go diagonally, horizontally, and vertically. We see from here that the more flexible a piece is, the more powerful it is. This is oh so true in life. The more rigid a person is, the more limited they are. While the more flexible and adaptable a person is, the more likely they are to have successful and happy relationships.
I remember I once was going to give a large shalom bayis shiur and I happened to meet up with Mr. Leifer, zt”l, zy”a, who at the time was happily married for sixty years. I said to him, “I’m going to give a shiur about marriage. You’ve been doing it successfully for sixty years what advise can you give me to share with the people?” He answered me with a smile. “I’ll tell you in one word! Flexibility!” Having healthy elasticity with our mate allows us to sidestep much friction and discontent in our union.
May we merit to implement these ideas in our lives, and may Hashem reward us with long life, good health, and everything wonderful.
(To be continued)
Transcribed and edited by Shelley Zeitlin.
