{Originally posted to Rabbi Weinberg’s website, The Foundation Stone}
The best silence of my life was in response to a public slap from a congregant. The man, a dear friend and fine human being, overheard my asking a very old man, “How is your mother-in-law?” and convinced I was making fun of the man – most ninety-year olds don’t have mothers-in-law – slapped me. Although tempted to explain that I visited the 105 year-old woman six days a week, I chose to remain silent. I felt that any words would detract from his terrible act, which was his responsibility to address. I felt as if I was living the Mishnaic teaching, “All my days I have been raised among the Sages and I found nothing better for oneself than silence (Avot 1:17).”
So, whenever frustrated with Jacob’s silence in response to aggression, I tried to honor his decision, but still feel that something is missing. Jacob has his awesome ladder dream at the beginning of this week’s portion, but does not remain silent. He makes a deal! When he confronts Laban about the switch of Rachel with Leah, and Laban – a Master of Silence – answers, “Such is not done in our place, to give the younger before the elder (Genesis 29:26),” rather than respond, “You could have said something seven years ago,” Jacob remains silent (See, “An Eloquent Silence I). He says not a word to Leah – another Master of Silence – or Rachel. He remains silent when names are chosen by the mothers for their sons, and speaks up only when first negotiating a deal with his father-in-law, a deal that Laban, “changed his [my] wages a hundred times (31:7),” while Jacob remains silent! When Rachel demanded, “Give me children, otherwise I am dead (Genesis 30:1),” Jacob responded to her plea in anger. When does Jacob choose to speak and when does he choose silence?
His final confrontation with Laban begins when the father-in-law claims, “It is in my power to do you harm; but the Lord of your father addressed me last night, saying, ‘Beware of speaking with Jacob either good or bad’ (31:29).” Jacob’s chooses to ignore the final words, “beware of speaking,” and silently swallows his response, “So why are you speaking to me at all,” and becomes defensive. Only as tensions increase, manipulated by Rachel, does Jacob stand up for himself, and become ready to confront an even more dangerous enemy, Esau, in next week’s portion. What changed Jacob from a man of silence into a man of words?
A scene from Shakespeare’s Henry IV, helped me understand that Laban, who I believe was always trying to teach Jacob, triggered Jacob’s transformation into a man of words when he quoted God as saying, “Beware of speaking with Jacob.”
Glendower claims, “I can call spirits from the vast deep,” to which Hotspur responds, “Why, so can I, or so can any man, but will they come when you do call for them (Part I)?” Jacob begins to speak only when he is confident he can use his words to call on other people to act, as in, “Jacob said to his brethren, ‘Gather stones’ (Verse 46),” ‘brethren’ referring to Jacob’s sons who, “stood up for him in trouble and battle as brethren (Rashi).”
My silence in response to a slap led to action. My assailant was sufficiently ashamed to ask the old man about my question, and upon learning the facts, publicly apologized.
“Words alone are not enough,” Kennedy planned to say that fateful day in Dallas, in words he never had the chance to speak. “If we are strong, our strength will speak for itself. If we are weak, words will be of no help.”
We often choose to remain silent or to speak at the wrong times. Just as silence must be a sign of our strength, our words must be in response to Hotspur’s question, “Will they come when you call?”
Shabbat Shalom,