Imagine the following scenario. You just purchased a brand new car, let’s say a 2016 Lexus, and you are driving it home from the dealer. You are so proud of your purchase and feel material ecstasy as you drive it home with just five miles showing on the odometer. The new car smell permeates the interior with its stainless, dustless leather seats. You drive carefully but confidently, knowing you will always park far away from other cars so that you don’t get any “door dings” on it.
And then the unthinkable happens. You are waiting at a red light when you feel a big bump and the car jerks violently. You simply cannot believe that the car behind you has just rammed into the rear of your car! As you step out of the car, ready to assess the damage and give the driver a piece of your mind at a pretty audible decibel level, you look up and see that the other driver is 6 feet, 7 inches tall with the muscles of a body builder. You instinctively change your strategy and meekly ask him for his insurance information as you dial the number of the police to report the accident. He apologizes rather brusquely but you make no issue in response, not even mentioning how you just drove the car home from the dealer.
What changed in the scenario? Why were you able to suddenly control yourself from yelling at the other driver? The answer is quite simple: You took one look at the man and realized that to yell at him was to seriously risk your physical well-being. We all have self-control when we absolutely know that it is required.
Now picture another scenario. You are sitting quite comfortably on a park bench on a spring day. Suddenly, without any warning whatsoever, you feel a hard and heavy smack on your back. Angry at this outrageous disruption to your serenity and solitude, you turn around ready to give the perpetrator as hard a slap as you can possibly muster. But as you turn around, you see that the one who gave you the slap is your loving older brother, the one who always helped you and looked out for you growing up, the one who taught you a trade and set you up in business. At that moment, all of the anger melts away and is replaced with warm feelings of love and admiration. Your brother slapped you out of brotherly camaraderie, not out of any negativity or disdain.
This mashal was used by Rav Chaim Sanzer to explain how he was able to greet those who came to comfort him as he sat shiva for his son with a warm smile. Rav Chaim said that when his son first passed away he felt such terrible grief and sadness. He was at a loss and could not find a way to comfort himself. But then he turned around to see who it was that had given him such a hard slap and he saw that it was the Ribbono Shel Olam, the One who loves us, cares for us, and has given us everything in our lives. Rav Chaim said that if He chose to give him such a slap it must be for good reasons. He may not understand the reasons but he knows He gave it to him because He knows what is best. Whatever He does, He does out of love and necessity for greater calculations and tikkunim for what our specific souls need to accomplish in the world.
This is the only true comfort anyone can have.