The Mishna in Pirkei Avos tells us that the world exists due to three things: Torah, avodah, and gemilus chassadim. Torah is the learning and studying of the Oral and Written Law; avodah is prayer; gemilus chassadim is kindness. Torah and avodah are readily attended to. People make sure to daven every day and people surely set aside time to learn Torah, whether it be the whole day or a nightly shiur. But what about chesed? We take care of chesed in a very haphazard manner. We all would say that we are ready to help anyone in need; all they have to do is ask. Obviously, we should treat chesed as we do Torah and avodah. We must set aside time to do it. We all need a daily dose of chesed.
A very practical area of chesed is the mitzvah of bikur cholim, visiting the sick. The Arech HaShulchan in Yoreh Deah tells us that it is a “Mitzvah, hagadol b’yoseir – An exceedingly great mitzvah.” Although all mitzvahs are special, there are those that are exceptional. These are the mitzvos that the Ribbono Shel Olam practices Himself. Bikur cholim is one of them.
The pasuk tells us in this week’s parsha, “Vayeira eilav Hashem – Hashem appeared to Avraham.” But the pasuk does not continue and tell us that Hashem told Avraham anything. He just appeared. The meforshim tell us that this appearance was for the purpose of bikur cholim. It was the third day after Avraham Avinu had his brit milah, so Hashem was visiting the sick. It behooves us to follow in His footsteps, for that is our purpose in life, to emulate Hashem.
A lot of us will say we just don’t have the time to go visiting the sick. We have families, responsibilities, learning obligations and jobs. How can we make the time? But is there anyone busier than the Creator of the universe? If Hashem can make time to visit a sick person, we must also find the time. No one’s ‘time’ is more important than that of the Ribbono Shel Olam.
Still, there are a lot more reasons for doing this mitzvah. The Gemara in Nedarim (40) discusses the reason and rewards. There are many people who are uncomfortable around sick people, who shudder at the thought of entering a hospital. Perhaps we can all use the wonderful incentives the Gemara gives us to help us along. Rav tells us that whoever goes to visit the sick, Nitzol m’dino shel Gehennom, will be saved from the punishment of Gehennom. None of us are arrogant enough to think that we are all lily white. We know we have failings and weaknesses, whether it is in loshon hara, kashrus, anger, or any other trait. We all have strikes against us. And when we come before Hashem on that Day of Judgment, we will not get away scot-free. But with this mitzvah on our side, Hashem will pay us back middah k’neged middah, measure for measure. Just as we put out the fires of sickness, indeed of fever, when we visit a sick friend, so too Hashem will put out the fires of Gehennom for us.
There is not only reward for this mitzvah in Olam Haba, however. As we say in our early morning brachos, this is one of the deeds for which we reap reward in Olam Hazeh as well. We will surely appreciate this ‘instant gratification.’
Indeed, there are four rewards. The four rewards are disclosed from a pasuk in Tehillim which states that Hashem, Yishmireihu, vichayeihu, v’ushar b’aretz, v’al titneihu b’nefesh oyvav. If we go through this pasuk, we can see the rewards promised. Firstly, yishmireihu means that Hashem will guard you. From what does a person need a protection? From the yeitzer hara! When we visit a sick person, we alleviate the fire of their fever. As a reward, Hashem will in return alleviate us of the fiery passions of the yeitzer hara, our own evil inclinations.
A more direct way of quelling our yeitzer hara by visiting the sick is by looking at the person’s situation. To hear a very sick person tell you that he would do anything to spend just one more Shabbos with his family makes you stop and think of your own mortality. Indeed, when a person sees another on intravenous treatments and suffering, he takes it to heart and becomes fearful. We become appreciative of our lives and fearful of impending punishment. The pasuk says, Ashrei maskil el dol, fortunate is the one who visits the sick with seichal, using his intellect. He learns an invaluable lesson and gains a strong weapon against the yeitzer hara.
Vichayeihu means that Hashem will give the person life. What kind of life? A life free from suffering, free of yisurim. Just as we alleviate the suffering of the choleh, Hashem will alleviate our suffering.
V’ushar b’aretz means that you will be upright in the land. The Gemara interprets this to mean, “Shehakol miskabdin bo – Everyone will be honored to be associated with you.” This is a step above people giving you honor. Rather, people will feel honored just by the pleasure of being in your orbit! This too is middah k’neged middah since you treated your friend with respect by interrupting your life to visit him when he is sick.
V’al titneihu b’nefesh oyvav, and he will not be delivered into the soul of his enemies. The Gemara explains this to indicate that he will be granted one of life’s greatest treasures: good friends! Thus, in reward for being a good friend to the choleh, we merit the wonderful blessing of good friends!
The second requirement of this mitzvah is companionship. Many people go to visit a sick person out of a sense of duty. They perform the mitzvah perfunctorily. They’ll sit for ten minutes and then leave, without giving much to the person. We must let the person know that we care, that we hurt for him or her. A person knows when another is visiting out of friendship or out of obligation or guilt.
When you go visit someone, tell them how much they are missed at work. Tell them how the house is not up to its normal standards. Don’t tell them everything is fine. This might sound like a wonderful thing, but the person might feel that they are really not needed. The person will feel that everyone can get along without her or him.
The third requirement is davening, praying for the recovery of the person. All the time you took out to visit the hospital, the time you spent with the person, the wonderful food you brought, will not be complete unless you pray for the choleh’s recovery. And, if you daven at his bedside, that is even better for the Shechina is at the bedside of the choleh.
Many people are not sure whether or not to visit a person who is in a coma. The halacha is that you should go and there are three reasons. The first reason is that the person is defenseless. He is at the mercy of the hospital staff. The nurses are caring people of course, but they certainly give more attention to some patients than others. Those who are constantly receiving visitors will receive the best treatment for the nurses and other staff want to make a good impression. Another reason is that by seeing the person in that condition, you will pray for him more sincerely. A third reason is that you can pray for the person in the presence of the Shechina, who is always at the bedside of a sick person.
There is a halacha that you should not visit a person who has a digestive disorder. This is so the person will not be embarrassed by having to excuse himself each time he must use the restroom. From this we learn a very important lesson. You should not visit a person if you will make them uncomfortable. The purpose of bikur cholim is to cheer the person up. If by visiting them you make them uncomfortable, don’t go. If a woman does not like to be embarrassed by her appearance, or she doesn’t want people to see her in that horrible hospital gown, then do not visit her. Your visit will only cause more stress and will not improve the patient’s spirits. That is certainly no mitzvah.
The mitzvah of bikur cholim does not have a measurement. The Gemara tells us it is possible to do it a hundred times a day. This is not an exaggeration by any means. If someone ever had to take care of an elderly parent or grandparent, spouse or child, they can understand how they could possibly help someone a hundred times a day.
A person should also realize when to leave. Do not overstay your welcome, but realize when the patient wants to be left alone.
The halacha states that it is a mitzvah to visit a non-Jewish sick person in order to prevent aiva, enmity. So, the next time you visit someone in the hospital and there is a gentile in the next bed, turn to them and tell them you hope they feel better too. This is a wonderful opportunity to make a Kiddush Hashem!
Reb Aryeh Levin would go to the nurses’ station and ask them which patients had not received many visitors. He would spend most of his time with them. This is also a good idea if there is someone from out-of-town in the hospital. They likely don’t have many visitors in a strange town. Reb Zelig Pliskin recommends that if we see a person does not have many people coming to see him, we should visit and we should encourage others to do the same.
I once had an occasion to call a friend who had been sick for a couple of weeks. He was glad to hear from me and told me that I was one of the first to call on him. We should not be fooled into thinking that everyone else is probably visiting or calling. We must be aggressive in this mitzvah and not wait.
When we hear a siren wailing, our thought should be, “I hope Hashem sends a refuah sheleima.” We should not just accept the sirens with complacency and indifference.
The Igros Moshe and the Pachad Yitzchak both state that if you simply cannot possibly get to the hospital, then a phone call is considered a mitzvah as well. It is also important to offer to help the support system of the patient. It is part of the mitzvah to help the family as well. The Vishnitzer Rebbe said that is why we say, “Rofeh cholim u’matir asurim – That Hashem heals the sick and releases the bonds.” When Hashem heals the sick, He sets the family free from the burden as well.
There are stories of gedolim who brought chess sets to people in the hospital and played a game with them. They talked sports. One woman brought a young patient a bubble machine so that she would do her breathing exercises. This is smart bikur cholim. Find out what the person or family needs.
If we are faithful in this mitzvah, we will be rewarded greatly. Hashem tzilcha al yad yeminecha, Hashem is like a shadow on the right hand. What is the attribute of a shadow? It copies whatever it is reflecting. If we carry out this mitzvah properly, Hashem will reward us middah k’neged middah. In the merit of this great mitzvah may Hashem bless us with long life, good health, and everything wonderful!
Transcribed and edited by Shelley Zeitlin.
