Yaacov’s life starts with his grabbing Esav heel. Yaacov is a fighter and through his early days in the Torah reading of Toldot, we see a man who will not accept fate. He might have been born a second son, but he will fight to change that. He father might plan to bless his brother, but he will alter that. If we were to build a series of attributes for our forefathers, Yaacov’s role would seem to be obvious. Avraham would bring the vision, Yitzchak the execution and Yaacov the force of will. This would seem even more obvious after the blessing of the angel: he “fought G-d and man and prevailed.” But the story is far more involved.
Yaacov is a willful man. He breaks conventions and challenges the order of things. But we cannot live in a world of constant challenge to contract and convention. There must be constraint on will. Parshat Toldot teaches us about the role of that constraint. It teaches us about social contracts and the limitations they should place on even the most driven of men. And it does so through contract. The reading is full of contracts. Consider just a few examples: Yaacov comes to Padan Aram and the shepherds have covered the rock – a social contract. Lavan takes in Yaacov because he is a relative – another social contract. Leah buys Yaacov’s bed with flowers from the field, a contract. Yaacov and Lavan engage in the entire spotted animals contract process. And Yaacov promises that the person hiding Lavan’s idols will die – a fateful contract.
These contracts unveil a changing and learning man. And just as Avraham grows with his tests, Yaacov emerges from this process as one of the most personally powerful individuals in human history.
Yaacov comes to Padan Aram as a man of tremendous will. Unlike with his father, Yaacov’s initial blessing is attributed not only to those who came before, but to him directly. His character is clearly valued. But Yaacov is a man without grounding. His defying of social contracts has pushed him from his own society. He is a man without a connection to the future.
It is in this context that Hashem shows him the ladder to the future. It is in this context that Hashem shows him he has not lost his future. But Yaacov is uncertain of this. His response is a conditional contract. He won’t make an open ended promise on the word of Hashem. The world he sees is too unstable for him to do so.
When Yaacov first arrives in Padan Aram, he sees the rock on the well. It offends him – it seems useless. Facing this, and with the catalyst of Rachel, he feels entitled to destroy the social contract is represents by lifting the rock himself. He becomes a superman through the force of his will.
But his action ignores the reason for the rock: a society in which Lavan is a major character is a society that needs self-enforcing contracts. Nobody can trust anybody else and so, while it might seem wasteful, rocks on wells are necessary. Yaacov has not yet come to grips with the full value of social contracts. But then he tastes the benefits of those contracts. Lavan hosts him for a month. Not because Lavan likes Yaacov, but because he is obligated to help a kinsman. A man who had no anchor now has one in his extended family. And it is because of an implied obligation. This act causes a major change in Yaacov.
Lavan implies that he agrees to give Rachel in return for Yaacov’s labor. But his agreement is not explicit. He says only: “It is better that I give her to you than I should give her to another man. Stay with me.”