Last week I shared a letter from a middle-aged woman who became a ba’alas teshuvah and wanted the Torah way of life to impact her adult children, some of whom are married. To her dismay, however, they have adamantly refused to embrace an observant Jewish lifestyle.
The following is my response.
My dear friend, you are quite correct: Torah can penetrate the deepest part of a Jew’s heart. But you must find the key. It’s like a computer. If you want to bring up the right program, you have to know what you’re doing. You can’t just play around with it in the hope of eventually hitting the right spot. The same holds true for the Jewish heart.
Case in point: Something incredible occurred this past Rosh Hashanah at our Hineni minyan, held in the beautiful Essex House across the street from Central Park. A lady in her nineties came to participate in our davening. She was brought by her daughter and very quickly her heart opened and her eyes became moist. What was her story?
She was a Holocaust survivor, an eyewitness to the monstrous evil perpetrated by the Nazis. That experience prompted her to reject Torah, to the point where she forgot how to daven. Her Judaism had been totally compromised.
But this Rosh Hashanah her daughter brought her to our Hineni minyan at the Essex House. And the pintele Yid – that Jewish spark embedded in her soul at Sinai – became a glowing flame that illuminated her entire being and showed her the way back to Torah.
No force on earth can extinguish that awesome light that was kindled by G-d Himself when He spoke to our entire nation at Sinai.
G-d willing, on motzaei Yom Kippur at our break-fast I plan to make a celebration for her and welcome her back to our Torah way of life. This is far from unique – I’ve seen it happen many times, not just with the elderly but with young people as well.
I like to resolve all problems with Torah solutions. The slogan of our Hineni organization, referring to our Torah, is “Hafoch Boh D’ Kuloh Boh” (“turn the pages, turn the pages, everything is in it”). Looking into the pages of our Torah, we find that Joseph the righteous found himself at age 17 in bondage in the affluent home of Potiphar, a minister of Pharaoh. His morals and indeed his very life were tested.
Egypt was known for its deep decadence. What gave Joseph the strength and fortitude to resist the many temptations around him? His Torah morals and faith in Hashem, pure and simple.
But there was something that enabled him to keep that commitment in his mind’s eye at all times. It is one of the principles of Torah education: d’yuknoh shel aviv – the image of his father. Yes, that which kept Joseph alive, which enabled him to retain his Jewish faith, was the image of his saintly father, Jacob.
The image of such a father can never be lost. It is forever engraved on the soul so that when a crisis comes it just pops up like a program in a computer.
A parent once came to me with an adolescent daughter who was rejecting Judaism. I asked her what her Jewish name was. “I don’t have one,” she stammered.
“Of course you do,” I said. “Your parents are traditional. There is no way they didn’t give you a Jewish name.”
After much coaxing she finally replied, “Rivkah.”
“Rivkah,” I asked, “did your parents or your grandparents ever call you Rivkahla?”
Her eyes filled with tears. “My bubbie always called me Rivkahla,” she said.
Just as Joseph’s image of his father could never be erased, so this girl’s image of her bubbie was her own unbreakable link to Torah.
Therefore, when it comes to trying to reach your children, continue to make those joyous Shabbos and Yom Tov dinners. And always ask one of your children or grandchildren to read an explanation of that week’s parshah.
Many books on the weekly Torah portion are available in Judaica stores and online. You can also contact our Hineni office for our book Torah for Your Table, which is designed specifically for helping people sitting around a Shabbos or Yom Tov table better understand the teachings of the parshah.
Trust me, nothing you say that pertains to Torah is in vain – even if at the time it seems not to have struck an immediate chord. That voice from Sinai speaks for forever and ever.
Those beautiful Shabbos and Yom Tov celebrations you work so hard to prepare will eventually bear fruit. The image of your home and your table and the discussions around the table will forever be etched on the minds and hearts of your descendants.
This answer may sound simplistic to some, but all answers that are real and potent are simple at their core.
If you need further guidance, please join us at Hineni. I would be happy to speak with you and offer personalized guidance.
May Hashem’s Teachings hover over your Shabbos and Yom Tov table and may it bring the light of Sinai to all who are gathered there. And may your sons and daughters and grandsons and granddaughters remain part of that transcendent link that forever connects a Jew to Sinai.