Try to explain that this family fight is a war no one can win – a war from which all will emerge wounded or dead. Money comes and money goes but the things that really have meaning and permanence are the love, commitment, warmth, and kindness that make a family a family.
In your letter, be sure to stress the following to your parents, aunts, and uncles:
“Zaidie provided everything for the family. He gave us a beautiful mishpachah and he also provided us with financial support so that we might all live comfortable lives. When he was alive we felt each other’s pain; we rejoiced in one another’s simchas; we were always there for everyone.
“Now all that is gone, replaced by fighting, courtrooms, and lawyers. What is the use of all this money if it kills?
“We ask you to recreate the splendid family we once had. Please make it happen soon, before the destruction becomes so total that there will be nothing left to build upon.
“We are your children, your nieces, and your nephews, and we love you, look up to you, and seek your guidance and leadership in building a home – a home just like the one Zaidie and Bubbie created.”
This letter should be a collective plea, signed by each of you. Most important, you must take caution not to write with anger or condescension but rather with love and respect.
If you wish, you can all come to see me. I would be happy to discuss the entire matter with you and assist you with this letter, which must be the “snap of the finger” that awakens your elders.