Last week I shared a letter from a 22-year-old woman regarding the painful fragmentation of her family. The family had once been united, basking in the love of the woman’s grandfather. But after the grandfather passed away, everything changed. Where love once existed, there was now outright hatred and open war. Tragically, this all unfolded over money issues.
The young woman was seeking guidance. She wondered whether there was anything she could do to reunite her family. The following is my response.
Dear Friend,
First, allow me to commend your commitment to your family. In our dysfunctional and greed-driven society, very few 22 year olds would have such priorities or take time to write a letter seeking guidance for the reunification of a family that had fallen apart over money.
If anything, people in such situations are dominated by feelings of entitlement as they fight for a bigger share of the money pie. So good for you! Baruch Hashem, you are a shining example of someone who puts family above money.
As you know, in several recent columns I wrote about what I call our great Jewish Tragedy – our stubborn refusal to remember the past and learn from it.
Our Torah is replete with stories of our Patriarchs and Matriarchs. Our sages explain that one of the reasons for this is “Ma’asei avos siman l’banim – that which befell our forefathers is a sign for the children.” Unfortunately, as familiar as many of us are with the events recounted in the Torah, we fail to absorb the lessons they are meant to impart.
The world’s very first murder was committed by brother against brother. Cain and Abel, the only two brothers on earth, decided to make a deal. “Let’s divide the earth in two,” Cain said to Abel. “Livestock will belong to you; real estate will belong to me.” They shook hands over it and all seemed well.
Soon, however, Cain, already jealous that his brother’s sacrificial offerings were more pleasing to G-d than his own, told Abel, “You are standing on my land. Get out!” And with that, he killed his brother.
The first murder in the history of mankind. The first family tragedy. And it all happened over material possessions. Only two brothers on the entire planet – and there was no room for both.
We who are living in the 21st century pride ourselves on our advanced civilization. But has anything changed? Brothers, sisters, families, and nations are still killing each other over possessions and wealth. Greed breeds jealousy. Jealousy breeds hatred. And it all leads to self-destruction and murder.
Even our situation in Israel can be traced to this destructive formula. The Arab nations have vast lands and/or moneymaking oil wells, and yet it is that tiny piece of real estate their Jewish neighbors possess that gives them no rest.
From Cain and Abel through the ensuing centuries of bloodshed, pain, and suffering, individuals and nations have created calamity and despair beyond description. And all due to the lust for more money, more land, more possessions.
We pride ourselves on our 21st century enlightenment – on our education, our tolerance, our acceptance of everyone regardless of race or religion. But that enlightenment tends to be much more theoretical than practical because, paradoxically, we fail to extend that same tolerance, that same love and consideration, to our own family members, our own neighbors, our own brothers and sisters. The tragedy of it is colossal.
It would all be so simple if we turned to our G-d and listened to His Voice and learned from the Torah He bequeathed to us at Sinai.
In writing about the overarching national Jewish Tragedy of amnesia and how it has caused us so much suffering through the ages, I did not touch on the particular tragedy that our young letter writer brings to our attention –the obsession with money that plagues our general society as well our own Jewish community.