During the nine days of mourning over the Bais HaMikdash, many of us have trouble really feeling the loss. This is why Chazal instituted halachos and customs to help us mourn. However, when we reach Shabbos Chazon, and the halachos of mourning come to a halt, it gets even harder. What can we do on this Shabbos to help us yearn for the Bais HaMikdash?
Eliyahu HaNavi tells us (Brachos 3a) that when Klal Yisroel say “Yihei shmei rabba mevorach – May His great name be blessed forever and ever,” Hashem figuratively shakes His head and says: “Happy is the king who is praised in his home! Woe to the father who exiled his sons and woe to the sons who were exiled from their father’s table!” We see from here that there are two separate tragedies that Hashem laments – His “loss” and ours. Let us explain.
The Bereaved Parent
One of the most heart-rending scenes in the Holocaust was when the Nazis cruelly snatched babies from their mothers’ loving embrace. The women shrieked in agony and felt as if a part of them was being taken away. Our strong desire to bear children is so that our ideals and accomplishments will continue in this world. Each of us is a link in the chain that started with the Avos and will end with the generation of Moshiach. The Avos began revealing Hashem’s presence in this world and they commanded us, their offspring, to continue that monumental task until the complete revelation will occur. We do so not only through our own actions, but also through what we etch in the hearts of our offspring. Woe to the parent whose child is taken from him! Besides for the natural pain, he sees his ability to continue his mission disappearing.
This is the first tragedy. It is obvious that essentially Hashem doesn’t need our help, but for unrevealed reasons He created this world in a way that He “needs” us to reveal His presence. When we had a Bais HaMikdash, we accomplished that task. We sacrificed korbonos using the four basic components the world is made from, which turned the mundane into spirituality. This exalted Hashem, and showed that the entire world was created in order to serve Him. The constant, open miracles in the Mikdash (see Avos 5:5) demonstrated that there was a Creator. However, when we stopped fulfilling His will, Hashem removed His presence from the Bais HaMikdash and this great edifice was destroyed. This is why when we shout with all our might: “May His great name be blessed forever and ever,” Hashem figuratively shakes His head. On the one hand it “comforts” Him, for we show that we desire His return, but on the other hand it causes “pain” and He proclaims: “Woe to the father whose children have gone to exile!”
The Exiled Child
The second tragedy is the one of the exiled child himself. When a child is torn from his parents, his connection to his past is severed. Even more so, only a father can truly understand his son’s heart and only a mother will spend sleepless nights caring for a sick child. When a child needs encouragement whom can he turn to? If he needs to be reprimanded, who will do it with love? Who will make sure that he has all his needs, and ensure that he doesn’t slip through the cracks of the system?
This is what happened when we were exiled from our Father’s table, the Bais HaMikdash. The Vilna Gaon explains that when we had a Bais HaMikdash we received our sustenance directly from Hashem. Now that it was destroyed, Hashem sustains us through the heavenly ministers of the nations of the world. Simply speaking, this is a sign of severe separation. On the one hand, we are still Hashem’s children, and thus, Hashem still loves us and takes care of us. But on the other hand, because of our sins, Hashem distances Himself and sustains us indirectly in order to arouse us to mend our ways.
The results can be seen in many different ways. All sicknesses, hardships of parnassah, and other difficulties are due to that separation from Hashem. Similarly, all internal fights and contentions result from not sitting at our Father’s table. Children around their father’s table are united with a common goal under one leadership. Now that we are in exile, Klal Yisroel has drifted apart and there is a lack of unity. Woe to the sons who were exiled from their Father’s table!
Our Shabbos Table
Before we return to our original question, let us digress to our own table. In our last article (July 4) we explained that Shabbos is the time to strengthen our bond with our family. Even though the whole Shabbos should be utilized for this purpose, the best time to do so is at the Shabbos table. The Gemara tells us (Sanhedrin 103b) “gadol haligima – having a meal together joins people’s hearts.” This means that since there is already a connection thanks to the delicious food being served, we should utilize the opportunity to get closer to our children. Here are just a few ideas:
Even when we have guests, we must not forget our children. Indeed, Rav Reuven Feinstein related that no matter who ate at their seudah, his revered father, Rav Moshe, made sure that Rav Reuven always sat next to him.
If your kids start getting fidgety, try jumping up and dancing with them (Uncle Moishy style)!
When I was a young yeshiva bachur and I ate out on Shabbos, one of the most unexciting parts of the meal for me was when the father asked his children parsha questions. But after a while I understood how important it was. This is the child’s moment of glory, when s/he can show what s/he knows, and get acknowledgment for it.
At first I also didn’t appreciate when they would let the little kids rattle on and on about what happened in school or with a friend. But then I realized how allowing, and even encouraging, children to relate what happened to them is crucial in helping them open up to us, and the seudah is the best time for that.
Boost family interaction. For example, try having a friendly, non-competitive contest to find a name or mitzvah in the parsha, or to figure out a gematria.
Now we can return to Shabbos Chazon. Let us take a moment during the seudah to contemplate that even though our family is together, we are really a “family in exile,” far away from our Father’s table. This is why we pray for the rebuilding of Yerushalayim in the middle of Birchas Hamazon. Chazal wanted us to realize that even though we have just filled our stomachs with delicious food and had a wonderful time with our family, this is not the ideal situation. We have been exiled from our Father’s table and we are greatly lacking.
A large part of the special Shabbos addition of Retzei is a prayer for the rebuilding of the Bais HaMikdash. This indicates that yearning for its return is an integral aspect of the day. If we make sure to put extra effort when saying these parts of Birchas Hamazon this Shabbos, we will have truly taken one step closer to bringing the Geulah!
